An interview with twoday contributor and Dateologist, Tracey Steinberg
Tracey Steinberg is a Manhattan-based Dateologist who works with individuals looking to enrich their lives through love. We have chatted many times on twoday about ways to improve your chances for meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, but in this interview, I asked Tracey some of the more pressing issues when it comes to feeling discouraged while dating, finding hope in one’s dating future, and how to enhance one’s own wellbeing to increase personal happiness and thereby attract the right type of person.
It was, as always, a fantastic and enlightening conversation, and it is exciting to have Tracey onboard as a regular twoday magazine contributor and love expert.
Natalie: What does it mean to be a “Dateologist?”
Tracey: I am a life coach and dating expert. I help people love life and find the love of their life.
Natalie: What is the process for working with a Dateologist?
Tracey: Most of my clients come through referrals through other happy clients. I do teach classes and workshops, but most come from people that have had good experiences. The process depends on what the person is looking for. I consider myself a ‘soup to nuts’ dating coach. Whatever they need, I’m happy to help.
Natalie: What is your average age of client?
Tracey: That’s a great question. It really varies. Right now, I am working with a bunch of people in their early 20s, which is surprising, but I have clients all the way up to 60. The vast majority of my clients, however, are in their 30s-40s.
Natalie: What is the criteria for being your client?
Tracey: I can help anyone, as long as they are open-minded and motivated. I don’t care about anything else.
Natalie: Can you tell me the actual steps you go through in working with a new client?
Tracey: I help people figure out where the process is breaking down, meaning are they not meeting people at all, are they meeting people in one arena or another, or have they just given up on dating. I tailor the process to meet individual needs. The first step is figuring out exactly what somebody wants. The second step we discover where the process is breaking down and then we go from there in finding a path that works for each individual client.
Natalie: I hear the same issue from a lot of women that there are “no men out there." How do you answer that? And, the same when I hear it from men, how do you encourage them to be less cynical about finding love?
Tracey: The first thing I do is take them to a window in my office and say, ‘look down! There are men (and women) everywhere! I won’t allow my clients to remove personal responsibility. Yes, some are married, some are unavailable, but many are single. There is no shortage of single men (and women). It is a self-defeating mindset to put yourself in. Really, the problem isn’t that there is no men. In fact, I think men want to meet women even more than women want to meet men. I actually have more male than female clients. And men, statistically, are happier in relationships than even women are.
Natalie: That is a great point! What do you recommend single women to do in order to snap out of that mindset?
Tracey: I ask women to tell me about their day. If they are spending their day in a female-dominated arena, meaning lunch with a girlfriend at Bloomingdales’s, shoe shopping and a swanky lounge and there were no men, I say, ‘Well, then don’t spend your day doing those things if you are looking for a man. Go to a pub, go to a pool hall, go to the weight room at the gym, go play golf... go to where the men are!’
Natalie: Do you think people take dating too seriously?
Tracey: Yes, especially in the beginning. They are strangers. I don’t care if you have gone on two dates with someone, you are strangers. Keep it light and breezy, that’s what I always tell my clients. There is a time to invest emotionally in a relationship, but not in the beginning...it’s over time. Don’t give away your power so easily. Just enjoy and get to know someone.
Natalie: Why do you think people are so afraid to make their love life a priority?
Tracey: I think it is a fear of rejection. I have extremely successful clients that make a great living, but in business, they hear “yes” a lot. They aren’t used to people not fawning over them. It can be an ego thing and we work on that and learn how to not take rejection so personally. Dating can be a horrific struggle or it can be an enjoyable experience. The path you choose to go on is determined by how personally you take everything.
Natalie: With our culture of infidelity, do you think that scares people off from dating?
Tracey: I think some people feel that way, but there are a lot of people who don’t feel that way. If you are someone who is ready for a monogamous relationship, then say no to anyone else that doesn’t want that. The only way to get what you want is to say “no” to what you don’t want.
Natalie: So, what is one really good piece of advice you could give for people who are out there trying to find love?
Tracey: Be open, don’t allow limiting beliefs to stop you from meeting people. Just because you had a bad experience with dating a doctor, for example, doesn’t mean you should swear off all doctors. And, never settle for anyone who isn’t healthy, confident and available. Anything else leads to drama and misery.
Natalie: What is the biggest mistake women make when meeting men and the biggest mistake when men are meeting women?
Tracey: Healthy men don’t like women who are bitter. That is a horrific turn-off. If you are angry at men, deal with that before you go and try to meet someone. Healthy women don’t want men who don’t know how to treat a lady. There are certain gentlemanly behaviors that healthy women really enjoy and when a man performs them, it makes everyone happy. What makes men happy is to make women happy. The biggest mistake is that ignorance of how to make women happy. Just be a gentleman. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. They get a bad wrap, but mature women love a nice guy.
Tracey Steinberg is a Manhattan-based dateologist and life coach. Find out more about her and contact her HERE
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