Of all the emails I received during the week, this one stood out.
The question of what a man is thinking when he sees his woman nude in front of him is something just about all women have asked ourselves at one time or another. Unfortunately, we have to analyze everything when it comes to male-female interaction. But we shouldn't, not at this time.
Hi Kristen,
I have a problem that I think many women might have. I am a little embarrassed to have my boyfriend see me completely nude. To me, my body seems just average I guess, nothing spectacular and certainly not one I would call sexy.
However, my guy likes to see me undress and worse, likes to have the lights on during sex! To be fair to him, he has never made a negative comment about my body. On the contrary he seems to like it! I can't help but wonder though, what is he really thinking when he sees me naked!
Thanks!
Callie
What's he really thinking when he sees you nude? Two words: eye candy. And quite honestly Callie, he's more than likely not thinking at all!
There's a silly old joke that goes:
What turns a woman on? Answer: A romantic dinner with a considerate lover.
What turns a man on? Answer: A naked woman holding a pizza!
It may be a lame joke but there's a bit of truth to it. As several of my men friends put it, "We're just not that cerebral when it comes to seeing our women nude. There's more instinct than thinking going on and a kind of gratefulness that we're having this visual enjoyment."
Men are extremely visual when it comes to sex and what you see as simply your nude body is a source of heightened arousal to your boyfriend.
A lot of women feel that their bodies are just average as you say, but guess what? Your man sees nothing average about you. The heterosexual male sees a body that is as different from his own as a body can be. It is the body itself, the softness, the curves, the female definition, that he is looking at and appreciating. Where you may see "nothing spectacular" he sees a form that is desirable right there in front of him. The fact that this desirable form is attainable to him adds to his pleasurable view. To him your body is hot and sexy and he is ready to go.
The female body is a mystery to most men. The knowledge that this "mysterious body" is available to him for exploration is exciting. He's Indiana Jones on the quest for the Holy Grail!
You can help yourself to feel comfortable being nude in front of your man by seeing your body for what it really is; a magical work of art. If you're comparing yourself to others, don't. You are you and you are what he wants. Think about how the female form has always been extolled and honored in art and sculpture for centuries. There's a very good reason for this: it is an erotic creation of beauty. Men know this and are certainly aroused by the visual in front of them.
Still not comfortable with all the lights on? Try this. Undress by one of the most flattering forms of illumination known to humankind - candlelight. Tell your man that this romantic light is a great mood enhancer. Believe me he'll be sure to agree.
The relationship reality is that when you allow your man to see you in various stages of undress and then completely nude, you're giving him a great visual performance. To him (and his libido), you're a spectacular star! Go for it and enjoy.
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© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton
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erikdolnack
Why assume? Ask men themselves why this is.
As a male, I can tell you truthfully that some of the arousal is that nudity is perceived as somewhat vulnerable to our culture. You know the expression, “Clothes make the man”. In a sense, they do. We clothe ourselves to distinguish rank and status in society. Why do you think people put so much emphasis on appearance and clothing? We see a well-groomed man in a tailored three-piece suit and we instantly see power and success. The guy could be an unemployed guy down on his luck, but the clothes mask that. Clothing thus becomes a mask - it protects and hides, like camouflage. It also gives signals, like a peacock’s feathers.
Take away the clothing, and the individual seems “naked”. Even that we use the English word “naked” to designate a condition of helplessness and vulnerability is a clear sign of how we view nudity. Animals don’t wear clothes. Clothing is “civilized”. Clothing empowers one. (Well, the right clothing anyway; bad clothing can humiliate one - hence the term “fashion police”).
I think men get aroused at seeing their mate sort of humiliated in a way, stripped bare and completely vulnerable before them. A totally nude woman seems powerless to her male lover and I think many (if not most) men get off on that somewhat. He’s got her where he wants her, and they both know it. There’s no hiding that fact.
The point I am making, is that I think too often in our society today women tend to believe that their male lovers are expecting physical perfection. They aren’t in most cases. The market wants us to believe that a perfect body is every man’s ultimate fantasy, but I’ve found that to be untrue.
Men are drawn far more to a pretty face than a great body. I know women who spend all day at the gym and eat an ideal diet and have super bodies witout an ounce of fat on them, but with unattractive faces. Needless to say, they don’t get many offers for dates. However, I know several young woman who are just skinny with small breasts and bodies that are kinda’ soft and completely ordinary, but have adorable faces and the men rave about these girls. When a woman has a pretty face and a man is into her, he’ll make the rest up. I remember a darling girl named Paige. Every guy at the Starbucks I hang out at would say that Paige had a “great body”. She really didn’t. It was her face that was so attractive. They saw things that weren’t there. People see what they want to see.
Mostly, it’s about health. No one looks at a sickly ill person with a disease and gets aroused. We’re attracted to healthiness. The rest is a pretty face and personality and compatibility. I’m pretty sure of that.
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I have never felt humiliated or at a loss of power nude. In fact, I find nudity to be extremely empowering.
erikdolnack
Natalie, I don’t disagree with your feelings, because I can’t tell you how you feel.
I’m just saying that that’s probably what most men feel inside when they see their mate in the nude. Remember, women tend to be somewhat more reserved than men in society (they have to be to keep creepy perverts at bay). So when a woman feels comfortable enough in front of a man to reveal herself naked, it’s a sign that her guard is about as down as could be to him. I do think he’s getting off on that somewhat.
It’s also a compliment. Most women won’t show off their bodies to just anyone on the street (again, to ward off creeps), so a guy feel’s somewhat special and selected when he’s getting a “show” in private and for his eyes only. It makes him feel special. It tells the guy that she doesn’t think he’s creepy and that she wants to sort of entertain him in a way.
Not all men are like this, however. I just know that many are. I myself am somewhat ashamed when I feel a woman is sort of undressing for me. I get reserved and am not sure what to do. I don’t make a good audience, I suppose. Some people would rather put on the show than sit in the audience. Some folks actually feel more comfortably being in the spotlight than in being anonymous in the crowd and I’ve always been one of those people.
erikdolnack
There’s this young hottie that comes into Starbucks named Paige. I can tell you what I’d be thinking if I ever got to see Paige nude…
KristenHoughton
Love you Eric! Your comments and insights are fantastic. I agree with Natalie; I always find nudity empowering but especially by low lights or candlelight. Makes it a bit more seductive, I think.