Two Day Magazine

When Workplace Liaisons Go Bad

You and your co-worker had a dating fling and it was fun. Lunch together, secret glances and smiles in the workplace, after work drinks, week-end movies, theatre, and dinners; you did all the wonderful “couple things.”  To top it off the sex was great too! You think he is the one and that it will surely last. It does......... for awhile.
 
Then comes the break-up and suddenly the guy you wanted to spend the rest of your life with turns out to be a prize jerk. You two are no longer a couple and that is fine with you. Now you want him out of your life for good. But........
 
After all the misery of the break-up, reality comes at you in a sudden wave and you realize one very crucial point; while the romance may be over you still have to work together. You will be seeing each other on a daily basis! Besides that fact, the entire office will know that you broke up. Now what?!
 
Welcome to the art of dealing with an office break-up.
 
Many companies frown on what they term “in-house couples” and have a policy against co-workers becoming involved.  Office romance has the potential to be both work distracting while you’re together and to cause acrimonious feelings after you break-up. It isn’t an easy situation for you or for others in the workplace.
 
General Motors has a written statement that cautions employees against workplace liaisons. Said a spokesperson for GM:

"Supervisors and subordinates or any employees involved in a consensual relationship are encouraged to advise management immediately."

Carolyn Evans, CEO of Evans-Burkitt Technologies says that her company policy strongly discourages office romances. She has seen the fallout from disastrous breakups in her own office environment.   

“It causes difficulty in a work environment when you have an involved  couple who work in the same office. If they break-up, and 90% of them do, it will have a negative impact on production. It can be a messy situation.”
 
If you have had a break-up with a colleague there are certain steps you can take to make the transition easier for all concerned, especially for yourself.
 
No matter how angry you are over the break-up –
Never, ever, talk about him in a negative manner to other co-workers.
What happened between you, (and that includes sex or lack thereof), is nobody’s business, don’t make it fodder for the office gossip mill. It cheapens you as a person.
 

Be an adult because -

Polite and professional is all you have to be.
Okay, you would love to spill coffee all over that crucial report on his desk, (the one you helped him to research and write), but don’t give in to an immature impulse. Others may laugh at what you do but remember that they are laughing at you as well as at him.
 

Act like a good co-worker -

Treat him with respect.
Yes, I know, this is hard if not next to impossible for you, but you have to do it. Don’t shoot glares at him, don’t look angry, don’t be a witch with a capital “B;” treat him the same as you do all the others in the office. It will benefit you immensely in the office social set. If everyone is going out after work, no one will want to bring you along if they feel you may make a scene.
 

Big girls don’t cry –

In the workplace.
Cry at home, cry in your car, cry over drinks with your girlfriends far away from work. The workplace is solely for business, not for therapy.
 

Finally –

Chalk it up to experience.
Think long and hard before you consider playing Brad and Angelina again in the workplace. Carefully weigh the pros and cons of an office romance. Was the last one worth it? Probably not. You lived it, you learned from it. Move on.

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First