Brushing up on those "Bedroom-Friendly" skills...
Whether you are in a monogamous relationship or enjoy casual sex, there is something to be said for how you treat your lover in and out of the bedroom. While most of us demonstrate our understanding of manners outside the bedroom, did you know that there is such a thing as bedroom manners, as well?
Creating a sex-positive environment behind closed doors will only lend itself to you and your partner having a better time in between the sheets. A little thoughtfulness can go a long way and make both your experiences better.
Clean Sheets + Clean Space = Stress-Free Sex
Have you ever walked into a potential lover’s apartment or bedroom only to wonder where exactly the furniture might be? Clothes everywhere, empty food containers strewn about, a week’s worth of dishes over-piling the sink...and let’s not even discuss the state of the bathroom.
While there is nothing wrong with a little clutter or a “lived-in” home, there is something to be said about walking into a space that is comfortable, clean and safe. If I can’t find the bed, I’m certainly not going to lay on it. Plus, no one wants to see stained sheets or wonder how many other people have had their face in that pillowcase. Please, for everyone involved, if you know you are having a guest over, put down fresh sheets on the bed, tidy up the kitchen and bathroom, and create a serene space best suited for sex.
Speaking of Cleanliness...
If you know you are having sex, going on a date, or planning on meeting someone casually, take a shower first. Brush your teeth, floss, comb your hair...freshen up. There is a lack of respect that is shown for yourself and your potential lover when you don’t take care of yourself. Grooming is key to showing that you care about what you think of your body and how you view others.
If you show an interest in taking care of yourself, you demonstrate to the world that you have value. Confidence is always sexy. If you are engaging in “spontaneous sex” with someone that you didn’t plan on hooking up with, it is okay to excuse yourself for a minute or two and use the bathroom to freshen up on the fly. Your partner will thank you for it.
Play “Hide Your Cell Phone”
We all saw it in Paris Hilton’s sex tape when she actually took a phone call during the throes of passion. Checking your phone on a date. Rude. Checking your phone in the middle of sex? Unforgivable. There is no reason (outside of some unforeseen emergency) that anyone should ever be on their mobile device during sex. So, before you get down to business, tuck your cell phone away in either your purse, your briefcase, or your jacket. Out of sight, out of mind...that way you can get back to focusing on the good stuff...
Disclose Your Personal Sexual Health History
Yes, it can be a very difficult subject to broach, but if you are currently treating an STD (like (like gonorrhea or chlamydia) or have a virus that you could pass on to a partner (whether it be herpes, genital warts, HIV or HPV to name a few...) it is important that you give your partner all of this information so that you can both make an informed decision as to how you want to engage with one another. And, remember, always use protection.
Foreplay Shows You Care
Jumping right into intercourse may work for a lot of guys, but women usually need a little time to “warm up” to the situation. Oral sex, mutual touching or just making out for a while can get her juices flowing and her mind to relax. You want good sex, right? A partner that feels as though their partner cares about their pleasure will make for a better night between the sheets. Sex is not meant to be rushed. Sex is an experience meant to be savored, so take your time and enjoy getting to know one another’s bodies better.
Avoid the “Surprise” Poke
As many women will tell you, guys sometimes can’t seem to figure out where to navigate. But, attempting anal sex without asking is a big turn-off and will not win you politeness points. Some women really don’t like anal sex or haven’t tried it before and to “surprise” them in that way will make them feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Using a lot of lubricant and being relaxed is key to a good experience, and if you are pushy or attempt to enter without permission...let’s just say don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
This one is especially important for anyone who wants to see a repeat performance. When in bed, follow the age-old chivalrous advice of “ladies come first”. Fellas, keep it contained until you are sure that your lover has had hit her pleasure maximum. Showing that you are interested in her needs and interested in pleasing her will only turn her on more, increasing her pleasure (and thereby increasing your own). And, remember that not cluing your partner in to when you are going to come (especially during oral) is also not going to win you any points. Just giving a little “heads up” (no pun intended) can go a long way...
Stay a While
Unless you are directed to leave right after sex, most people want to lie together (at least for a little bit) post-coitus and let the energy settle back into their bodies. Cuddling may seem silly (especially if it is casual sex) but it can heighten both you and your partner’s experience that you just had. Take a few minutes to be warm, to be reflective, and to be quiet together and enjoy what just transpired. Your pants aren’t going anywhere, they are right on the floor where you left them...so relax and take a minute to soak it all in.
Just as it is rude to up and bolt the minute you finish, it is also rude to linger or expect someone to spend the night. If you aren’t interested in spending the night or your partner makes it clear that they want to sleep alone this evening, start gathering your things and let them know that you had a great time but that it is getting late and you need to get back. You don’t need to lie and make up excuses. Just politely thank them for the evening and get dressed. Leaving after sex doesn’t have to be a big production and the less drama created, the better.