Too sleepy for sex? Is that normal?
Are you one of those couples who puts your sex life off until everything else in your day has been accomplished and you're too tired to yawn let alone make love? You're exhausted but hey, you've got to have sex or you're not normal, right? Not really.
Careers, social commitments, not to mention all the other stuff you have after your work day is through are an excellent recipe for exhaustion. If sex is thought of at all, it is with a weary acknowledgement that "we really should have sex later." Unfortunately, making love when all you want to do is fall asleep is like going to a great party with a severe head cold - you're there going through the motions and enjoying nothing.
We have the idea we need to have sex often or there's something wrong with our relationship. Is it him? Is it me? We have to "keep up." This idea is perpetrated by movies, television, and those crazy surveys in magazines and online that attempt to find out how often the "normal" couples have sex. If you come out on the short end of the statistics sex scale, you feel that something is wrong with you and your partner. It's not. Come on now, sex is something to enjoy; it is supposed to be a part of a national data bank!
There is no "norm" for the number of times you should have sex in a week or month. No matter what the percentages are "supposed" to be, it is vastly different for every couple. There are too many factors affecting each individual couple for there to be a norm. There are, however, some key factors to maintaining a healthy, (normal for you), sex life for you and your partner.
Make an appointment.
I know, I know. This sounds so un-sexy! However, it helps if you make the day and the time unbreakable, making sure that it is convenient for both of you. Discuss it. Give yourselves a three hour leeway. Pick a night (or day) and set up the time and place. This isn't as unromantic as it sounds, it is actually a great foreplay technique. Look forward to it, daydream about it, but make sure nothing interferes with it. You'll be surprised at how this "appointment" helps. A date is a date- no excuses. Do this as often as you need to.
Take a solo break before getting together.
Don't go to the bedroom (or any other place) directly from your hectic activities. Take a breather, a bath, a ten minute nap. You're not a robot; prepare yourself for pleasure.
Help each other.
If you need help with anything after work, ask for it. Playing the martyr and doing everything yourself drains you and leaves you with no reserves. It makes you resentful not receptive.
Let some things go.
You can't do everything. Don't make a last minute business call, don't check your email, don't text your friend. DVR shows and set your priorities for each other for this one night.
Prepare for great sex.
Be romantic, watch some porn, experiment, act like lovers, take your time. You're not in the Sexual Olympics; who are you competing against?
Commit to a healthy sex life.
You do need to plan to have sex. It's good for you, it is emotionally and physically satisfying. It strengthens the relationship bond.
Understand that you're unique.
How often you have sex has nothing to do with how much you care about each other. Statistics are nothing more than numbers. Your relationship is so much more than that.
© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First