Two Day Magazine

"I Don't" to these reasons for marriage...

Marriage can be a beautiful thing between two people...when it’s right. But more often than you would think, people are entering into marriage thinking it will somehow “fix” whatever has become broken within their relationship. Marriage is hard work, and if your relationship is suffering, marriage won’t be a band-aid insofar as a giant bullseye for trouble.

Here are some reasons NOT to tie the knot, and how to deal instead...

Financial Reasons:
    Yes, times are tough. More and more people are putting marriage off until they feel more financially secure and stable, which is the responsible thing to do. But, to marry someone just to become financially stable could spell trouble for you. Not only will you be in a subordinate and disempowered position within the relationship, it may make it more difficult to leave if times get tough, as well. Plus, money comes and goes, and if you marry just for financial gain, you could lose a whole lot more than you bargained for.

You Are Getting Older:
    What is this, 1892? I can’t stand it when people get on their friends or family members about “tick-tock” hear that clock? Marriage doesn’t come with a specific start date, and to assume that once you hit a certain age you need to get married is preposterous. You may end up pushing yourself into a relationship that isn’t suitable all for the sake of not losing face around your friends. Instead, work on cultivating a sense of happiness within yourself. Then, if you do want to be married, you will be in a better place emotionally to seek out the best partner for you.

It Will Save Your Relationship:
    Wrong! Marriage is hard work. It is a lifetime commitment in which two people promise to be there in both the good times and in the bad times. But, if your relationship is already on the rocks, marrying your partner will only exasperate your problems that much further. Either work on what is causing the rift between you, or move your separate ways. Saying “I do” when you really feel like “I don’t” is not a healthy way to embark on this journey.

You Already Have a Baby Together:
    There seems to a trend nowadays to get have a baby and then get engaged. And if that works for you both, that’s great. But to marry someone just because you have had a child with them may seem like “the right thing to do” but it also could be relationship suicide. If you and your partner had a child unexpectedly and are having a difficult time adjusting to being new parents, now is not the time to add another dimension to the mix by planning a wedding. Let the dust settle, give it another year or two, and see if you are really compatible, or if the only thing you have in common is the little one. Being amicable co-parents is a lot better for a child then married parents who fight all day long.

Your Partner Gave You an Ultimatum:
    Look at it this way, if your partner says “either we get married or we break up” then you have a big decision to make. But I encourage you to question why your partner has gotten to the place where he or she feels as though an ultimatum is the only way to push you into marriage. Marriage is a two-way street, and if one of those partners felt coerced into tying the knot, the odds of the relationship lasting are slim to none. Resentment and frustration are not good feelings to have as you walk down the aisle, so think long and hard as to why you needed an ultimatum in the first place.

Remember, marriage can be a beautiful thing, but only when it is entered into by two people who have a made a conscious commitment to one another and to the sacrament, itself. Determine what your desire is to be married and if it comes out of a place of love or desperation. If it mirrors any of the unhealthy reasons above, you may want to reconsider why you feel the need to marry. There are many ways to be in healthy, loving relationships, and marriage is merely one of them. The important thing is to be in a strong partnership with the person you love. That piece of paper is just icing on the cake.

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twoday magazine wants to know if you can think of any other bad reasons to enter into a marriage. Share with us your thoughts on our Facebook page.

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Like this article? Check out other great pieces on the topic of marriage from twoday magazine:

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     Men at Weddings: Single and Vulnerable? By Natalie Bencivenga