Your new relationship is moving right along, or perhaps you’ve got one that has grown solid over the years. But, there always seems to be the issue of your significant other’s friends.
Perhaps there is that one who always claims they are “coming to crash for the weekend” and two weeks later they are still on your couch eating your food, interrupting your alone time with your partner, or filling up your DVR with shows you hate. Or maybe there’s that one who you just don’t click with and can’t explain why. You try to find common ground, but their lack of response makes you wish they would just find a new social circle. What is the issue with who you are dating and your relationship with their friends? Should it really matter?
First of all, it certainly makes it easier if you all get along, or at least act cordially and pretend to like each other. The logistics of organizing activities and not being able to invite certain people can be exhausting. Isn’t it easier to just send a group text with the movie time and meet up at the cinema without a lengthy conversation? You do not need to sit next to them and share popcorn, anyway; just smile and watch the movie! It’s only about ninety minutes of your life, after all.
But, if there is a friend who doesn’t like your significant other, or your S.O.’s friend doesn’t like you, consider their motives. Often times, feelings could be fueled by jealousy. Maybe you are the jealous one because your S.O.’s friend takes time away from you and your loved one when they go play tennis and you are not invited? Perhaps you need to take a step back and look at the situation. Are your feelings warranted? Do you not like this person for legitimate reasons (they bring your mate down, encourage him or her to engage in damaging or unhealthy activities, or talk negatively about them behind their back), or are your motives perhaps fueled by the green-eyed monster?
If you truly feel a friend is not good news, have an open and honest talk with the person you are dating about why you think this friend is not good for them. Tell them that it is just your opinion, however, and they can take it or leave it. Are you just a tad envious that they have activities in which you are not included? If the friendship benefits your mate, and you are the only one with issues about it, try to find positive things about the person and maybe even activities you can do during that alone time.
Is there a friend of the person you are dating who just doesn’t seem to like you? Consider their motives. Perhaps you can be the bigger person, take the high road, and treat them courteously. No one said you need to be best friends, but try first to kill them with kindness, and see if they warm up. On the other hand, if they truly engage in cruel behavior towards you, you need to have a talk with your lover ASAP.
Most importantly, what really matters is how you and your partner feel about each other. You are never with friends all of the time, so the first priority should be and always will be how you feel about each other. If you enjoy your time together and you feel that your life is better with this person in it, then the relationships with their friends should be merely one aspect of your relationship. Remember, you as partners should focus on open and honest communication to keep yourselves happy as a team.
The rest is really just background noise.
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Like this article? Check out other pieces from Libby Keatinge for twodaymag: