Two Day Magazine

I managed to coincide my workouts with senior citizens hour at the gym.

It’s a bit ironic as my friends and my father tease me that due to my early bed times and set-in-my-ways particulars I remind them of an old lady. When I found myself enjoying the programs they were watching on TV and getting a bit chummy with “Harry”, a 70+ year old, I decided it was time to switch up my workout times. That resulted in me bumping into an ex-coworker who thankfully looked more uncomfortable than me. So far the only results I’m getting from the gym are in my physique, which is just fine with me.

On Saturday, I made plans to meet up with Roger for coffee. I met him online and he seemed to have potential. I’m not a drinker and coffee is my preferred first date. Quiet enough to hear the person, short enough to exit quickly. When I realized I was planning my exit before the date even started, I knew I needed an attitude adjustment.

Expecting negative inevitably brings negative and the same is true for positive thinking. So I made time for some quiet meditation before I left to re-center.  I then left messages with my best friend and mother with all the when and where details, including what I was wearing in the event I was kidnapped by a psycho. Perhaps I didn’t center as well as I thought.

Pushing kidnapping and torture thoughts aside, I blasted my spiritual music the whole way there trying to absorb peace through the sound waves. Before I got to the coffee house, I received a text from my mother, “Don’t worry about ransom $$$. I have a roll of quarters :D”

Fantastic.

My own mother valued my kidnapping at $10 worth of change. Many parents might worry about there single daughters meeting men online. Mine? They amuse themselves by scraping together parking change as preparation for an untimely event.

He was there before me and looked just like his picture. Muscled and tall with reddish hair. My first thought was “red-headed babies” quickly followed by “Why are you even thinking babies?!”

He was great on paper and in person and I couldn’t have been less interested. He was cute, had a great job, worked out but there was simply no spark. Despite listing “no pets” on his profile, he revealed he had a cat. Thank goodness for kitty allergies. No pet owner worth a salt would give up there pet. Nor fault anyone with allergies for not sticking around. I don’t know why I wasn’t interested; there wasn’t anything-noteworthy wrong with him (except aforementioned cat). In fact he seems like a great catch, just for someone else.

We parted after less than an hour so I could meet my friend for a “meditation meeting” which in Kimmie-speak means “leg day at the gym”. I called my Ma on the way to the gym and she answered, “So you’re alive?”

I then hear her call out, “We can spend the quarters, she’s OK!”

I was tempted to hang up but didn’t. She actually wasn’t very interested in how it went. Secretly I think she thinks she knows me better than I know myself ergo will know when I meet the right one before I do. She asked if I gave him my number and I said, “No. He didn’t ask and I didn’t offer.” I suppose that was part of the problem. He was a bit too reserved for my taste.

A few days later, when I finally logged back into the dating site where we met, I saw a message from him asking for my phone number. It was a nice note. However, it reminded me of my fourth grade “boyfriend”. My “boyfriend” had his friend ask me for my school picture. I informed his friend, “Then he has to ask me himself!” and I stuck to it. Wouldn’t you know that poor boy followed me all the way home and then had to walk twice as far back to his house just to ask me for my picture. Now if a fourth grader can do that, surely a grown man is capable of asking for my digits after an hour of iced coffee.

I deleted the message and spent the rest of the weekend with my favorite boys; Buford and Murry.  After all, eight furry legs are better than two chicken ones.

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Like this article? Kimmie has written some very funny pieces for twoday magazine. Check out a few below:

     Kimmie on the Prowl: Cougars and Christians

     Kimmie on the Prowl: Check 'Yes' or 'No'

Kimmie is a graphic designer, full time dog-mom and aspiring aerialist. You can keep up with her craziness on her blog life-withdogs.blogspot.com and follow her on twitter at @lifewithdoggies.