Once bitten, twice shy?
After last week's online dating mis-match, I was leery about meeting anyone from internet in person again. Still determined in my quest to experience the new ways singles meet (and avoid a future crazy-dog-lady title) I stumbled upon speed dating- online. Five minute dates, on your computer via web-cam and chat without leaving the house. Sounded great; an easy way to pre-screen online matches and weed out any more flannel connoisseurs.
I quickly set up an account with plans to log back in that Friday for my "dates.” I decided to treat this as I would any other date and dolled myself up. When I was fixing my hair, I started cursing myself for cutting it short. Then I started cursing my ex because really, wasn't this too his fault? And then my Mother; she was always encouraging me to chop it short. Stupid misguided hair butchering! Did I really think cutting 10" off would be a therapeutic "fresh start"? Or whatever other nonsense women tell themselves when they change their hair dramatically after a break up?
Sighing, I finished my now short hair, perfected my makeup and even painted my nails. As I was finishing the top coat, I began wondering what guy via webcam would even notice? And if he did, was that an indication that he was on the wrong site? Final touches in place and I was ready; from the waist up. No one was getting in my pants on this date, so it mattered not that they were covered in cartoon penguins.
I was surprised to find myself a bit nervous but chalked it up to lack of preparation. My plan was to read the FQA's and how it works after I logged in. Within seconds though, my first "date" popped up. A little box appeared at the bottom and "Joshua" was asking if I was wild? I blinked, reread.
What? No, I thought, this was online speed dating not a cyber-sex-chat site. I was going online for "mini-dates" and if I connected with someone we would chat and then meet in person just like the website promised, right?
So, I replied back that I was brand new to site and asked "Joshua" to please tell me how this works? By the time I was informed how good he was with his tongue, I had a pretty good idea of how it worked, or at least how it worked for "Joshua.”
I blocked him and was looking for those Q&A's when another chat popped up. Hmm maybe "Joshua" was a bad apple, "Kyle" gave a normal hello and asked how I was doing. Ok, I thought, that's what I was expecting. As I was writing back to ask how he was doing, he invited me to webcam chat with him.
I clicked on the button to view his webcam as I was reading that he was bored and lonely. Huh? Then the image of a shirtless, boobs-bigger-than-mine-more-hair-than-a-gorilla man popped up. I shuddered and blocked him, too.
Irritated, I ignored all other chat bubbles as I finally read the Q&A's which while explained their match-making technique and the value of the site. Then I found, in fine print, the statement that they do not monitor web-cam interactions. So when my third date also appeared shirtless, albeit slightly less gorilla-like, I removed my profile from the site entirely.
This? This is what I got ready for?! I never even turned my webcam on! Why even call this speed dating? Curious if there was actual online speed dating, and because I was already dressed for it, I perused a few more sites to no avail. I toddled downstairs in my penguin pants with my dogs, Murry and Lolly, at my heels. Based on the online matching I experienced so far, I stand by my decision choosing the dogs over a man.
As I'm getting my feet wet with this generation’s mixers, I have decided to take a break from online match making before I drown. After all, the internet isn't going anywhere and neither it would seem are the large hairy gorillas. So next week I am ditching my penguin pants and going to my first lock and key party. This time I have already done my prep work; the club it's being held at has a dress code.
twoday magazine wants to know: Have you ever tried online speed dating? How did that work out for you? Share with us on our Facebook page.
Kimmie Kern is a graphic designer, full time dog-mom and aspiring aerialist. You can keep up with her craziness on her blog: life-withdogs.blogspot.com.
Follow Kimmie on Twitter at @lifewithdoggies.
Like this article? Check out other fun pieces from twodaymag:
Dogs: The New Boyfriends? By Kimmie Kern
You're Ready for the Wedding, But Are You Ready for Marriage? By Kristen Houghton
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