Two Day Magazine

The key to great sex is learning to love yourself, first...

We read online a million different ways to improve your sex life. From fun toys to sexy lingerie, there are a lot of external ways to heat things up between the sheets. But, what if your lack of interest in sex isn’t external? Self esteem plays a larger role in a healthy sex life much more than people think. When you feel good about yourself, sex becomes less of a “chore” and more of what it should be--a way to reconnect with yourself in the most intimate of ways.

But, for most men and women, having a healthy sense of self-worth doesn’t come so easily. With the media constantly bombarding us with images of why we are never enough, one has to wonder, are we enough?

Here are some ways to boost your sex-esteem so that you can start feeling great (both in and out of the bedroom.) Together, we can create a happier world where we realize that YES, WE ARE ENOUGH.

Replace negative body talk with positive affirmations:

Now, I know some of you are rolling your eyes at the “hippie-dippie” sentiment, but I swear, this works. Every time you look in the mirror or start bashing your body for not looking a certain way, try replacing those negative thoughts (which get you nowhere and don’t exactly put you in the mood for romance) with some of these positive thoughts, instead:

•     I appreciate all the ways my body can move and perform.

•     I accept my body just as it is.

•     I am thankful for the ability to see, smell, hear, touch and taste.

•     When I look in the mirror, I see infinite possibilities.

•     I take care of myself so that I can feel good and enjoy my life.

•     I appreciate and accept the love others give me about my body.

•     I am at peace with my body and grateful for all that it does for me.

Picking out a specific feature about yourself that you really like and focusing on that feature can also do wonders for your self esteem. For example:

•     I am grateful for my beautiful smile.

•     I love the way my hips sway when I walk.

•     I am thankful for my sparkling eyes.

•     I appreciate my laugh and enjoy making others smile.

Men and women can both benefit from positive daily affirmations. You may think it is silly at first, but after a while, you will notice yourself focusing more on the good in your life and less on the bad. Now that’s sexy!

Exercise more:

Exercise has been shown to elevate a person’s mood, thereby increasing their self esteem. Exercise also can raise the libido, so you can kill two birds with one stone just by taking an after-dinner walk with a friend, lover or just solo. Pick a form of exercise that you enjoy. Avoid the “kill-kill-push-push” western mentality of exercise. Often times, we burn out when we come down too hard on ourselves through exercise. Instead, try long walks, swimming, yoga, or strength training to boost your mood. A good run can definitely clear your head, as well, and any kind of exercise will improve your body, your mind, and your desire for sex.

A little pampering goes a long way:

We all neglect ourselves from time to time, but a little self-indulgence can be good for your libido and your self esteem. Take a hot bath with lavender-scented bath salts to help revitalize and detox the body. Go get a massage. Even better, give your lover a massage and have them return the favor. Manicures or pedicures can give you a boost of confidence without breaking the bank, or buying new high-thread count sheets for your bed can create a warm, inviting and comfortable space in your home perfect for getting a good night’s rest...or (better yet)  entertaining a lover.

When we do little things for ourselves, we redirect positive love back towards who we are and we become more willing and able to accept love from others, as well.