A woman I met at a party told me that she has been dating a wonderful man and is very happy with the relationship.
They go to theatre, movies, great restaurants, important work events, play tennis, and enjoy the same activities. The only disagreement they may have is over which play to see or where to have dinner. They enjoy each other’s company. It is a perfectly fun relationship with one proviso; there is no sex.
Her man is gay. She told me:
“I came out of a horribly bad relationship. After I took the time to allow myself to heal for a few months, I decided to do all the things I loved but never did in my old relationship. The man I had been with had no interests in what I liked. I wanted a change.
Even though it’s perfectly alright to do so, I didn’t want to go to events or even dinner alone. So I was looking for someone but no commitment needed; just fun. I met David at a work meeting. He was from another office and we hadn’t seen each other before. We went out for lunch and found that we have the same tastes and interests. He’s bright, good-looking, articulate, and has a great job. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, just good companionship and no sex. He laughed and said that was fine with him; he is a gay man. It’s a perfect relationship in every way.”
As wonderful as sex is, sometimes it can get in the way of a good relationship. Having a companion who is interested in what you like, who has the same tastes as you do, and is fun to be with is a plus. Many women are dating gay men because the pluses of friendship and companionship outweigh the minuses of not having a sexual relationship.
Popular shows and movies have made having a gay man as a companion very commonplace. Who doesn’t want to go out with someone who looks good, dresses well, and listens to you in the same way your girl-friends do, sometimes even better since he can give you a male perspective on a problem? He’s a man, you’re a woman, and you enjoy each other’s company.
But besides all that we share in interests and lifestyle with gay men, there is another reason why straight women and gay men make such great couples: it’s in the brain’s wiring.
The brains of gay men share similar characteristics to those of the opposite sex, a new study says. Researchers found the brain's physical structure and size as well as the strength of neural connections among gay men and hetero woman to be remarkably similar. The area of the brain that processes emotions also looked much the same in gay men and straight women -- and both groups have higher rates of depressive disorders than heterosexual men or lesbians, researchers said. No wonder we have a lot in common!
Of course the subject and the need for sexual activity and satisfaction may, at one point, come up. If either of you find someone who strikes your dormant libido and who wants a traditional partnership, what then? Does this mean the end of a “beautiful relationship” for the two of you? It doesn’t have to mean that at all.
“If either one of us finds someone with whom we want to have a commitment, and that commitment involves sex, that’s fine with us. We will still be together the same way we always have. Having a companion of the opposite sex who is gay is having a good friend. We have discussed this and we both agree that our friendship is too important for us to lose. We would continue going out to functions and activities we both love.”
The trend for hetero women to date gay men is becoming a staple in the lives of many women and why not?
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© 2012 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved
Kristen Houghton is the author of the following top-selling books:
No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut
And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First available in both paperbook and e-book.
Her new book, Nourishing Thoughts: The Little Book of Sayings for a Healthy, Happy Life will be launched on May 12, 2012