Two Day Magazine

If you base your relationship on only the physical, plan on being single for a long while...

“Has to be skinny. It’s my first female attribute.”

That was the first thing a friend said to me last week when talking about what interests him in the opposite sex.

There were other attributes — a good personality, knowledgeable in current events, but I just couldn’t get by his first comment. But, it seemed as though “skinny” was leaps and bounds ahead of other attributes.

I never thought of my friend as superficial. He’s a down-to-earth good guy who doesn’t get caught up in a “Jersey Shore” mentality. And, that’s what makes his comment even more disturbing.

Maybe I’m a bit old fashioned or just completely off track, but I’ve always felt that there is a slew of things more important in relationships than being skinny and being attracted to somebody based solely on looks.

Yes, at some point physical attraction is important. But is it the most important part of a relationship? It seems many folks — in the short-term — think so.

Physical attraction is good if you’re looking for a one-night stand or for an ongoing relationship based only on sex, but everything gets boring after awhile.

I’m not sure if relationships always have been like this, but it seems that, as we have grown more to an instant gratification society, we’ve lost the build up of great partnerships. No longer do we get to know someone. We go into possible relationships with a specific laundry list of items: must be skinny, must have only blond hair, must earn more than $45,000.

I told my friend that he’s missing out on a multitude of women who have great personalities and could potentially be a great match. But, he’d never know because he trims his list of opportunities before even giving them a chance.

I questioned him about what happens if he gets married and he and his wife have children. What happens if she can’t lose any of that “baby weight” we hear so much about.

He said — and I wasn’t sure if he was joking: “She better.”

On the flip side, what happens if his wife continues to be “skinny” and my friend puts on weight and stops his strict exercise routine? Would that be a reason to split? They’d have already made a commitment to be in a marriage “until death do us part.”

We’re certainly a judgmental society, and we really do expect everything (and I do mean everything) to be perfect. And, we want it now!

Look at couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 or even 60 or more years. Without question, the weight and health of all of those folks in those marriages have changed for the good and bad. Change is simply a part of life.

So, at 30, if you’re on a date with a woman or a man who might be a little bigger than you’ve set for your check list, think about what that relationship will be like when you’re 60. It’s a whole new world.

I’m not in any position to enter a lifelong commitment at this point, but I trust (and past relationships have proven) that I am not one to focus solely on somebody’s weight. I’ve dated physically fit folks and others who weren’t considered as such.

What grabbed my attention was their personality and our ability to share so many similar interests.

You can change weight. But, much more important than somebody’s weight in a relationship, is your partner’s character, personality and other attributes. Those things, despite anybody’s best efforts, cannot be changed. Like the color of your eyes, your character and personality is etched in stone.

And, if what’s on the outside is the only important aspect of a potential relationship, then happiness might be unattainable.

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Can't get enough of our new weekly columnist, Pittsburgh journalist, Bobby Cherry? Keep up with Bobby on his website www.gobobbo.com!