...and how to turn that fizzle into a sizzle!
Let’s be honest, relationships are really challenging at times. When they are good, they are so good. You and your partner are on top of the world. You can’t ever imagine things getting any better and fighting seems like something that only “those couples” do.
Then, one day, you say the wrong thing or your partner makes a judgment error and the whole energy of the relationship shifts. All of the sudden, you are fighting constantly, not having as much sex, acting withdrawn, and neglecting one another.
You look at each other and think, “How the hell did we get here?”
There are many reasons as to why relationships can start to fizzle, but try to keep in mind that relationships ebb and flow and you can make positive changes to bring the sizzle back into your love life.
So, without further adieu, here is the list of reasons why couples fall apart (and how to prevent it from happening to you.)
Fizzle #1: You Stop Dating Each Other.
It is so easy to get into dating ruts when you are in a relationship. Think of it. When you first start dating, you take a lot of time and effort into your appearance, getting dressed, looking spiffy, all to impress your potential partner. Then, once you have them, it is easy to get too comfortable around one another and so you stop dating. Saturday night becomes a time for couch-crashing, instead of going out on the town. Do this too many weekends in a row and you start to become less of lovers and more like friends.
Sizzle #1: Get Up and Get Out.
Dating is an important component to a happy relationship. It shows that you care and that you want to put effort into your romance. Going out, whether it be to the movies, to dinner, to an art opening, or just a walk through the park at twilight, can give you the time together away from the routine, mundane daily toils of life, and enhance your moments together.
Fizzle #2: Closed-Off Communication
Remember those first few dates where you couldn’t stop talking to each other? You would discuss your favorite movie, your most embarrassing moments growing up, your families and your friendships. You talked about ex-relationships and your dream job. Then, you got into a long-term relationship and one day the communication ceased. No communication = A break down in your relationship.
Sizzle #2: Break Down the Communication Barriers
Having honest, open conversations together about your lives and dreams and goals and just every day stuff is the glue that really bonds us to one another. When you start allowing one another into your lives, you will be amazed at how quickly you can rekindle your mental, emotional and intellectual connection, which in turn, will help refuel your relationship.
Fizzle #3: Taking One Another for Granted
In the beginning, you said “I love you” all the time. You snuggled on the couch when watching a movie, gave kisses for no reason, and held hands just because. Now, things have changed. The physical distance has put a wedge in between you and your lover and is causing friction in the bedroom. Taking the romance out of your day is deflating your sex life at night.
Sizzle #3: Reclaim Your Passion for Each Other
Who says romance is dead? Start your days off right with a good morning kiss. Say, “I love you” before you go to sleep tonight. Compliment one another. Laugh together. Cuddle. Take time for one another. Buy each other small, intimate presents. Explore your city hand in hand. Enjoy life together again.
Fizzle #4: You Stopped Listening
When your partner is airing a grievance about the relationship or simply talking about an issue that they want your opinion on but can’t seem to get a response from you, it’s not only frustrating, it’s downright rude. When you tune your partner out, you are showing them that you don’t respect them, which in turn, belittles your relationship and degrades what you have together.
Sizzle #4: Actively Listen
My grandma always says, “You should listen twice as much as you talk. You have two ears and only one mouth, after all.” Aw, pearls of wisdom! She is right, of course. (Grandmas usually are.) When you actively listen to your partner and allow them to speak their mind without interruption, you are instinctively showing them that you not only care, but that you value what they have to say. When you value your partner, you strengthen your bond and allow the flow of communication to occur much more easily.
Fizzle #5: The Parental Partner Syndrome Strikes
Nagging. Nit-picking. Criticizing. Parenting your partner. These are all really great ways to kill the mood, don’t you think? Trying to change your partner isn’t going to happen, so start embracing who they are instead of trying to mold them into who you want them to be. If you don’t, that bed is going to get awfully cold at night.
Sizzle #5: Talk to Each Other Like Adults
If you have an issue with your partner, be direct about it, be honest, and then, drop it. If you really want them to do something, nagging them to death isn’t going to solve anything and will only lead to a build-up of resentment. When you nag and criticize, it usually comes from a place of feeling out of control. Address your own issues from within to resolve your issues towards your partner. And, if you are dating someone who nags you, be completely honest with them in letting them know that it is not okay to treat you that way.
Relationships are journeys full of ups and downs, but use these guidelines to avoid most of the pitfalls, and get back to enjoying one another, instead! (Isn’t that the point, after all?)