Welcome to yet another edition of the Hollywood Outsider!
For those of you who don’t know, this is twodaymag's weekly skewered look at the amazing world of pop culture. Join your host, the Outsider, as he blindly tries to make sense of a world that usually makes no sense at all.
This week, a famous actor takes on an airline company, while a slightly less famous couple decides to do what pretty much all famous couples do: break up.
So, please fasten your seat-belts and turn off all electronic devices; this week's headlines are about to take off!
Alec Baldwin, famously known for his Schweddy Balls and more recently known as "That guy from the Wegmas Commercials in Upstate NY" has found himself in a public battle with all types of transportation companies.
The whole thing started when Baldwin wouldn't get off his cell phone after the flight attendant asked him to while the plane was sitting on the tarmac. That inspired him to set off a full fledged attack on American Airlines.
The actual exchange is somewhat... pedestrian, and if you would like to read it you are welcome to do so from an actual news source (if you can FIND one! HA!), so allow the Outsider to paraphrase it for you.
So Baldwin's just sitting there playing Words With Friends on his phone minding his own business when the flight attendant was like, "What part of 'turn your damn cell phone off' was too hard for you to understand?" And Baldwin's all, "Back off bitch, I'm about to get a triple word score!"
Well the flight attendant wasn't about to be disrespected like that so she's like, "You're about to get a triple back-of-my-hand if you don't turn that damn thing off!"
So Baldwin decided he worked too hard in his life to take that kind of back-talk. He got out of his seat, completely ignoring the fasten seat-belt sign, and took his phone into the bathroom SLAMMING the door because everybody knows that slamming an airplane bathroom door is worth 42 points in Words With Friends.
"That's fine," said American Airlines, "You can slam all the bathroom doors you want when you're back in the airport!"
"Well," said Baldwin to no one in particular, "We'll see who get's the last laugh here." And he did what all hurt celebrities do these days: fire off an angry tweet!
Baldwin took to the social media airwaves, confident that he cold take down American Airlines with a single tweet of righteous anger. After all, it has been said that no one can resist his Schweddy Balls.
Well it seemed that Baldwin had underestimated American Airlines as they fired back with an equally angry comment that said something to the effect of, "We survived 9/11 asshole, I'm sure we can resist your Schweddy Balls just fine!"
So then Baldwin reloaded and fired again, saying something like "American Airlines is like riding a Greyhound bus, and everybody knows Greyhound busses are only for poor people and meth heads. BOOSH!"
Well that got Greyhound involved, "Oh yeah?" Said Greyhound in an official statement, "What did we ever do to him? He can just fuck right off!"
And it just kind of goes on like that for a while...
Look, nobody actually enjoys flying. We can all agree on that.
Being stuck at a gate or on a tarmac without access to your phone or even an e-reader device totally blows, but it sure as hell beats having to recreate the Oregon Trail every time you want to visit your Mom in Syracuse. Trust the Outsider when he tells you it totally sucks to be on a five-month covered wagon ride when dysentery breaks out.
Here is a love story for the ages. Did you know that Jessica Simpson has a little sister? Apparently she does. Did you know said little sister got married a few years back? Apparently she did... to some guy from the band Fall Out Boy named Pete Wentz. Did you know they are now getting divorced? Apparently they are.
Being a self proclaimed pop-culture moron, the Outsider had to look these people up. Interestingly, the most popular searched for item regarding Wentz is asking whether or not he is gay.
Is that the reason for the divorce? Hard to say, it appears that the details are being kept confidental, which is fine by the Outsider as he would prefer not to have to do any more research on the subject.
On the bright side, it's a celebrity marriage and it lasted about three years which is like 21 normal people years as everybody knows one celebrity year is like seven normal years (very much like dogs).
Rumor has it the couple filed for divorce after Wentz finally beat Simpson at Words with Friends.
twoday magazine wants to know: Should Alec Baldwin been kicked off the flight? Share your thoughts on Facebook!