If you are reading this and it’s Friday then that can only mean one thing: It’s Friday (if it’s not Friday, then you’re on your own).
And what does that mean? It’s time for another rousing edition of The Hollywood Outsider, twodaymag’s weekly look at the world of pop culture through the lens of woeful ignorance.
This week all kinds of crazy, important stuff happened, but the Outsider missed most of it because he was busy playing Mass Effect 3.
Here are the headlines he managed to scrape together:
But not together... They’re having separate babies with separate people; the Outsider couldn’t resist the cheap headline, though.
Former pop star Jessica Simpson, who is now famous for... um... something, is apparently having a baby with fiancé, Eric Johnson. It should be noted it’s the inactive NFL tight end Eric Johnson, not the badass-guitar-shredding Eric Johnson seen HERE.
The couple got engaged sometime in 2010 and this will be their first child together. One interesting note about their engagement was the report that Simpson might have paid for her own engagement ring based on Johnson unemployment at the time.
The Outsider applauds this example of marital progressivism as it will surly spark the battle cry of many men for future generations, “You want a $100,000 ring? Pay for it your damn self! You know I ain’t got no job!”
Not content with the general public simply imagining what a nude pregnant Jessica Simpson would look like, the former pop star decided to pose nude for Elle magazine. In case you wanted to check the accuracy of the image burned into your head with the real thing, now you can! Thanks Jess!
Not to be outdone, Simpson’s former husband Nick Lachey announced shortly after that his new wife, Somebody Something-Or-Other, is also having a baby! You’ve got to love this subtle race to American Middle Aged Normalcy. Pretty soon, the two will be competing over whose kid got into the best pre-school and who brought the best snacks to the PTA meetings.
If that headline doesn’t win an award than it’s obvious that the Organization For Excellence In Headline Writing has no idea what they are doing.
Over the past week, the big story in the news was everybody suddenly discovering that Rush Limbaugh can be a huge asshole. For anyone who has been living on Mars - which is so awesome, how did you even get there? - here is a quick rundown of the only the events themselves (please note the Outsider is not weighing in on the merits of the contraception debate on either side).
Last week at a special press conference designed to look like a congressional committee meeting, 30-year-old Georgetown University Law student Sandra Fluke testified on the subject of contraception.
Fluke told the committee that Georgetown, a private Jesuit university, did not cover contraception (something Catholicism doesn’t believe is right) and the cost of which provides a financial burden of roughly $1,000 a year which the students have to pay for out of pocket, creating a huge financial burden.
This caused talk radio host Rush Limbaugh to foolishly deduce that, “Fluke was having so much sex she couldn’t pay for it.” He then decided therefore she is a slut and a prostitute.
Everyone and their mothers (literally) have come out and said that this type of language is not OK, and it’s not. But even if you put the derogatory word choices aside, it demonstrates his - and many others - lack of knowledge of how birth control actually works.
The event has even drawn in President Obama. The president called Fluke during the hight of the incident to make sure she was OK. And in an effort to be fair to both sides, it should be mentioned the President’s sympathetic involvement is somewhat ironic as his super PAC had just accepted a $1 million donation from Bill Maher, a commentator who has unapologetically called female opponents all kinds of derogatory names.
CNN’s David Frum defends Maher by citing that his influence is nowhere near the level of Limbaugh’s. OK David, what is the level of audience size or influence you have to be under where it makes it OK to use derogatory terms to demean female opponents?
The Outsider’s point here is that both sides of the political isle use derogatory language towards women and seem to come down harsh on opponents who do it and remain quiet when their side does it. It’s a shame when standing up for women becomes a tool in a political cause rather than a cause in itself.
Back to Limbaugh: What has to be even more disappointing for his supporters is that anyone with a little sense and an internet connection could see this was an obvious trap.
Fluke is a 30-year-old grad student with a rich history of student activism, reports have suggested that she even chose the Catholic run Georgetown Law School specifically because of their contraception policy, in hopes to change it. What’s wrong with that, you ask?
Nothing, nothing is wrong with that. For the Democrats to have Fluke testify last minute instead of Barry Lynn was a brilliant tactic used to help shift the contraception debate from religious freedom to women’s health. And Rush Limbaugh, for all his self proclaimed political brilliance, was stupid enough to play right into it.
Now he has to suffer the most severe of consequences: the wrath of Rush.
Canadian rock trio Rush has filed a cease and desist letter to Limbaugh when they found out he was playing their hit “The Spirit Of The Radio” during an incalculably stupid rant where he was suggesting Fluke make sex tapes and post them online (essentially underestimating his initial underestimation of the whole situation).
This is not the first time the host has been in trouble with a rock group. His theme music is the Pretenders’ hit “My City Was Gone” which caused all kinds of controversy that resulted in Limbaugh paying $100,000 a year to the song’s writer Chrissie Hynde, which Hynde then turns around and donates to PETA.
Maybe Limbaugh can strike a similar deal with Rush... Like he could agree to become a Toronto Maple Leafs fan or something. All Canadians like hockey, right?
twodaymag wants to know: What was your favorite Hollywood headline this week? Dish with us on our Facebook page.