It’s Friday, and that means the weekend is finally on its way!
But, if you don’t have weekend off, then it really doesn’t mean anything to you. But, hey, cheer up it also means that it’s time for another edition of The Hollywood Outsider, twodaymag’s weekly look at the world of news and pop culture written by a complete pop culture ignoramus.
This week the Olympics are in full swing, which means the rest of the nation is starved for attention. A prominent rapper has changed his name, a worthless television network strives to outdo itself in worthlessness, and the fight over chicken started out as ridiculous, but is now full blown bananas.
Usually some kind of headline joke goes here.
Everyone who understands science knows that when a dog grows up he turns into a lion. Well, at least that’s what happened to famous rapper, Snoop Dogg. Snoop has decided to change his ways and start making music his “kids and grandparents could listen to.”
Snoop was on a trip to Jamaica and while there he somehow connected with the spirit of Bob Marley and has become Bob Marley reincarnated.
The Outsider has reached out to the spirit of Mr. Marley to get a comment on how he feels about being reincarnated as a 40-year-old hip-hop artist.
“It’s not really what I was hoping for,” said the spirit of the man responsible for popularizing reggae in America, “I had a bid in for Taylor Swift, but Michael Jackson picked ahead of me. Whatever, you do the best you can.”
The “Lion” in Snoop Lion is most likely a reference to the Lion of Judah, a religious symbol in Rastafarian culture.
So it looks like Snoop Dogg/Lion has found God. The Outsider only hopes this conversion lasts longer than all his other ones. Remember when he gave up weed for what turned out to be a few hours?
NBC has taken more heat than usual this summer for being somewhat of a worthless organization. Their network ratings have been terrible for years, nobody watches their cable news channel, and their parent company GE could put on a clinic on how to dodge taxes.
But hey, they have the US exclusive on the Olympics, right?
Except that the network has failed to realize this isn’t 1996, you can’t tape delay a sporting event for six hours and expect people not to find out what happened. Things like Facebook and Twitter help make news instant, but NBC can’t even blame that as they reported the results of certain events on their nightly news casts hours before they aired the events on TV.
In their defense, all the events are streaming live online, however the Outsider has heard the feed has been terrible and at times, unwatchable.
NBC’s latest, and perhaps funniest, fuck up to date has involved another celebrity.
World heavyweight boxing champion, and former Olympic medal winner, Evander Holyfield, was recently interviewed by the Today Show. The catch, however was they had no idea who he was. During a segment where they were gushing over the Queen’s willingness to promote the new James Bond movie, they were getting random “man on the street” reactions from average people.
One man was Evander Holyfield. They asked the champion about his thoughts and he said the Queen was “wonderful.” The producers of the show had no idea who he was.
Holyfield has been a good sport about it, saying from now on he will wear a T-shirt with his name on it at all times. This is something everybody should do as the Outsider is terrible with names.
Well we come to it at last, the biggest and most important story in the history of the universe. The owner of fast food chain Chick-Fil-A recently told The Baptist Press (yes that’s a thing, and no don’t pretend like you’ve heard of it) that he was very much in support of the idea of traditional marriage, meaning one man and one woman.
Dan Cathy, who actually isn’t the owner, but the COO (his father is the owner) of Chick-Fil-A went on to say something to the effect of, “We invite God’s judgement on our country when we tell him that we know the definition of marriage better than he does.” (heavily paraphrased, but you get the idea).
Naturally, this has some people upset.
Many groups have decided to boycott the fast food chain, which caused many on the opposing side to go, “Oh yeah, well we are going to super un-boycott and make your boycott useless!”
This lead to this week’s “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day” which was a day where everybody could say, “Look, I do agree with your stance on same sex marriage, but I’m not here because of that, I’m here because you should be free to publicly say the thing I agree with with and it has nothing to do with the fact I agree with it. I swear!”
Not to be outdone, proponents of same sex marriage decided to host a Chick-Fil-A Kiss In Day. A day where same sex couples should go to a Chick-Fil-A and make out with the goal of... achieving... something.
Look, the Outsider is appalled by the way homosexuals are treated in this country, and as far as he is concerned, the church cannot claim marriage as a solely religious thing if they recognize a marriage performed by a secular justice of the peace. The church forfeited the right to define marriage a long time ago. But this kiss-in thing is stupid.
First, what does it accomplish? If you are combating Chick-Fil-A appreciation day, then The Outsider missed the story where straight couples showed support for traditional marriage by making out en mass in a restaurant.
Second, you can’t just hang out at Chick-Fil-A and make out without buying something. That’s call loitering, and it’s illegal, so you still have to give Chick-Fil-A your money in order to send your message that they should go out of business?
Finally (and most importantly), part of what has given the gay movement so much power over the last 10 years is more and more people who had reservations about homosexuals have seen that they are people just like themselves, with the same hopes, dreams and fears. They are not depraved sex-crazed monsters, they are their neighbors, their coworkers, their friends and their family and they deserve to be treated like everybody else.
Unless you try to make your point by having a mass make out in a public restaurant in the middle of the day, then you look like depraved sex-crazed monsters.
You have not thought this through, it’s a huge step back for the cause, please don’t do it. Stick to hitting them where it counts: The Almighty Wallet.
The Outsider is an outspoken fan of personal freedom; you should choose to eat whatever you want, wherever you want, for whatever reason you want. Your reasons for not doing business with someone don’t even have to make sense, you can just hate the florescent lighting, whatever. You don’t even have to boycott a business based on the management. The Outsider’s mother tries not to do business with Macy’s because a cashier was a dick to her once. And that’s all OK.
Here’s where the Outsider does have a problem, and if you value the concept of freedom over your opinions of every issue imaginable, it should be your problem, too. Boston Mayor Thomas Menino initially said that he would deny a permit to Chick-Fil-A if they applied in Boston.
Think about that, this is a company whose owners definitely have an outdated view of homosexuals (granted it was the same view President Obama held until very recently, suggesting people can evolve), but as far as their corporate polices go, they still employ and serve homosexuals and don’t have any official policies of discrimination. Sure there are antidotal stories of certain managers from certain branches doing dickish things, but it’s hard to find a large company that doesn’t have stories like that.
Now you have a government official that would deny a permit to a business based solely on the personal opinion of its owner. Imagine if the opposite were true, a mayor of a large southern city denying a business permit to a restaurant owned by a gay couple simply because of the lifestyle of the owners.
Fortunately, the Boston Mayor recanted that statement after a number of newspapers pointed out how stupid and tyrannical he sounded. In the end, Chick-Fil-A has been a Christian company since its founding, nothing that has come out in the last month is any different than what they have been doing for years. If you like them, feel free to give them your money. If you don’t like them, please don’t give them your money.
And...truth be told, you should probably cook more of your own meals. It’s way better for you, anyway.
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