Two Day Magazine

You deserve better...

With the “Brett Favre Incident” all over the news, sexual harassment is being brought to the forefront. I don’t think that many women reading this article can state that they’ve never been the victim of sexual harassment. It doesn’t have to be an overt or in-your-face type of harassment as is claimed in the Favre case; little messages, comments, or looks that imply something improper is about to happen are considered harassment too.

My best friend, who is a teacher, had a horrible encounter with an older man in her department. On her first week there, he calmly sidled up to her at a meeting and said in a low voice, “Come out with me and I’ll give you the best f--- you ever had. See you after the meeting.”

He then, just as calmly, walked away leaving her standing there with a disgusted look on her face.

My friend told no one except me and an older woman, who promptly told her to lodge a grievance and complaint with the school administration. After thinking about it, my friend chose not to do so.

I’ve been harassed several times and each time,  I, too,  did nothing about it.

All incidents were either grad-school or work-related. A prof telling me to sit up front where my “hot legs” would guarantee me an A; a married male colleague whispering to me that “it’s a damn shame you’re in love with someone else, Kristen, because we could…..,” he let the implication hang there.

It’s not surprising that neither my friend nor I said anything to anyone in authority; most incidents of sexual harassment go unreported. There is a reason for this. As inexplicable as it seems, the woman is somehow seen as the reason for the harassment. A short skirt, a large bust, being pretty, these supposedly bring the comments or innuendoes on. The man can’t help himself, you see. Unfortunately the person in authority, to whom you report an allegation of harassment, (especially if it is a male), may feel this is true. After all, that woman is very attractive!

That attitude, of course, is simply BS. There are many men who would never think to harass a woman for any reason or sympathize with a harasser. They may look at and appreciate a woman but they are good guys who see harassment for what it is: A targeted bullying tactic and they want no part of it.

The resulting publicity of reporting harassment in the workplace, how 'in-house secret' we're told it will be, makes women who suffer real harassment hesitate to come forward. Who needs the aggravation? We feel it isn’t worth it especially if the incident is a one- time annoyance. We’ll avoid the jerk.

Another reason that women may be reluctant to report sexual harassment is, unfortunately, other women. There are always a few women who cry wolf and say they were harassed while texting their lawyers to file suit. Money and fame is their reason. They make it bad for a woman with a legitimate claim to come forward.

But, when we make the decision to not report this form of bullying, what we are doing is setting ourselves back several decades. We go back to a time when a complaint of sexual harassment was seen as nothing more than angry payback from a dismissed, disgruntled female employee. In 2011 we deserve better than that, in fact  women have always deserved better.

If you think you are the target of a harasser, don't be silent. Make a complaint immediately and go in with a lawyer's number on speed-dial. Don't allow yourself to be bullied. You deserve respect.

© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First