Two Day Magazine

What happened to common courtesy?

After President Obama's comment on becoming a more civil people, I received email asking me what I thought about the lack of manners and if I was going to write an article on the subject. Basically most of the email had the same theme as the one listed below.

Hi Kristen,

Please tell me what has happened to manners. My friends and I say manners are a thing of the past and we're still in our 20's. How about an article on what you think about it.

-G

I don't know about anyone else, G., but I am tired of rudeness, just plain and simply tired of it. It seems to be an epidemic. Our entire relationships with people are affected by their lack of manners. From the neighbors who allow their pre-pubescent kids to run around and be loud and vulgar disturbing the entire neighborhood at 1:00 AM, to annoyed and bored clerks in stores who seem angry if you "disturb" them, to the receptionists in medical buildings who add to your stress by treating you like you are an annoying presence, rudeness has become an alarming fact of life. We have either become immune to it or we just "let it go" and, by doing so, mutely encourage it. I dislike it, but like most people, I try to ignore it. In that respect I am wrong; we should speak up about the lack of civility in everyday life because it is getting worse.

I always cringe at the twenty-something bank clerk who calls an eighty-year old customer by her first name even though she requests to be addressed by her title of Mrs.

I remember the embarrassment and anger I felt when I overheard a pharmacy attendant, who was repeating information to an elderly man for the second time, turn to her colleague and say loudly, “Is that guy deaf or just stupid?”

Enraged on the man's behalf, I spoke to the manager who just shrugged her shoulders and asked me what I thought she should do about it!

What happened to being courteous to people? Why has it become okay to be openly rude? Being rude seems to be a personal 'feel-good' aspect of modern life; the ruder you are to someone else, the better you feel about yourself. But why? It's almost like a bullying tactic.



A few years ago I went to a school district to give a seminar. The person I met upon entering the building was the school secretary, Mrs. Evelyn Hendricks. She was the epitome of what a secretary should be. Dressed professionally, and respectful to faculty and visitors alike, she gave class to the school. Her speech was peppered with, “excuse me, may I, and thank you.” She acted as a professional should act and took the fact that she was representing the school very seriously.

Mrs. Hendricks had poise and grace under fire and never let her personal life interfere with her professional one. Making social phone calls was something she did on her breaks in another room. I respected her because you knew when you dealt with her you were dealing with a highly qualified woman. 

Recently a colleague of mine went to the same district.

Mrs. Hendricks had retired and he was greeted with, “Whatta ya need, hon?” by a woman who was dressed in jeans and a low-cut top.

She was, she said, the secretary! While my colleague waited, this “secretary” used the office phone to make her social plans for her weekend. He was kept waiting for over twenty minutes while she did this.

When I asked him if he had asked to see the principal about this unprofessional behavior, he said, “No, what's the use?”

His comment was pretty much the norm. The problem is that most people hesitate to voice a complaint because they know they won’t be put through to anyone in authority. How often have you been able to speak to a supervisor when you requested it? My guess is not often. 

I don't know where our society is going with this new concept of manners. My guess is not too far. Without politeness, society loses its way and the worst of people feel they can get away with anything. It's a shame that we have to be harassed by the rudeness of others and it is only going to get much worse.   

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© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First