Two Day Magazine

Be Discreet...

Do you facebook? Yes, it seems that now Facebook with a small ‘f’ has become a verb the same as google with a small ‘g.’ Unlike the search engine Google (with a capital ‘G,’), Facebook is a social network where people post info that thirty years ago they would have put in diaries or sent in letters to a confidante. It seems only natural that in the future instead of gaining insight to the past by reading diaries or letters from a bygone era, historians are going to be sifting through Facebook entries to see how we lived!

Facebook, however, is different than personal entries into a locked diary or confidential letter to a friend. Even with all the security measures in place about who can view your page, what goes up on Facebook has the potential to eventually be seen anywhere by anyone. And therein lies the problem about Facebook and your relationship – some personal info is too personal to be put out there.

“My girlfriend puts a lot of information on Facebook that I really wish she wouldn’t,” says Jayson. “I truly think she doesn’t understand that no matter how secure the site may say it is, there’s always a chance of the information being spread.”

Helena says that she is uncomfortable with the people her boyfriend seems to have on his friends (and friends of friends) list who have access to places they go and things that they do. Facebook acts like a GPS and Helena doesn't like it.

“It may just be me but there are way too many people who know too much about us as a couple and about our business. He should be a little more discreet. I value my privacy.”

Facebook is a great social networking system that allows people to stay in touch in a world where being too busy to talk on the phone is a way of life. We text, we email, we facebook. It does tend to make our lives easier and that’s fine but...

In a world where we are very open about our lives it pays to remember that there are still some areas that need to remain private. This is especially true if you are in a relationship. What you see as simple information about you as a couple may not be seen the same way by your partner. There are a few simple guidelines to follow.

• Think before you put up any information about the two of you. Seriously. Do you really want your employer to know that you were trashed on vacation? If you think your employer doesn't facebook, think again.

• Monitor who sees the information; friends of friends includes a wide swath of people you may not (or even want) to know. There are a lot of sickos out there and yes, they're on Facebook too!

• No one needs to know all the details. Keep your sex life (or lack thereof) private. Your partner will thank you.

• If in doubt about posting info about you as a couple, ask your partner. Maybe she really doesn’t want anyone to know she had a mole removed or maybe he doesn’t want people to know that  the job interview he went on was a bust. ASK before you post.

• The same ASK before posting applies to pictures as well. A woman put up what she thought was an innocent picture of her boyfriend in a speedo. Unfortunately the “friend of a friend” who saw it was an old high school rival of his. He had the picture blown up and prominently displayed at a tenth year reunion with the caption, “Letting it all hang out!”

• ASK someone if it's okay to tag them in a picture. A friend of mine was tagged in a picture that showed her passionately, and I mean PASSIONATELY, kissing a guy at a party. Her boyfriend, who was out of town and couldn't attend the party, was less than amused when he saw it on Facebook.

• Ditch drinking pictures. Again, you never know who is seeing these pictures. A job could depend upon your discretion.

Use Facebook for what it is - a great place to keep in touch with others, not a personal National Enquirer. Have fun but be discreet. You'd be surprised to know who's facebooking.

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First