Two Day Magazine

Fakin' it for an audience...

You're out with friends on a Saturday night at a favorite club or lounge. Everyone is pleasantly buzzed and you're having a good time. Suddenly, after a few good drinks have gone down, one of your best girlfriends begins kissing another woman in the group. While at first it seems like just a cute prank, the kissing turns into a definite 'passion-session' . It's so heavy that you want to tell them to 'get a room' but it's also so obvious that they're putting on a show mostly for the males in the place.  You and the rest of your group really don't know what to do; you're annoyed as hell. Your center of the club has become the hot place to be and the crowd gathers.

However, even while you're trying to work your way to the bar to get another drink, you can't help but wonder about what's happening. Your friend wouldn't normally do this and you know for a fact that she is a heterosexual. What gives with this action?

Here's the deal: Your girlfriend and her cuddle-mate are known as bar-sexuals.

Okay we've got heterosexuals, bi-sexuals, homosexuals, transexuals and we know the definitions of them all. But, what exactly is meant by the term 'bar-sexual'?

Simply defined, a bar-sexual is usually  "a  teenage or twenty-something heterosexual girl or woman who partakes in any sort of sexual or promiscuous activity with another female to get attention from males. This usually takes the form of 'making out', and to a lesser extent, grinding or dry humping with another female. This is a common sight at bars (hence the word bar-sexual) but can also be found at any party, especially frat parties."

Bar-sexuals want to give the erroneous impression that they are bi-sexual because they think it is the ‘in’ thing to do. It's pseudo-sexual behavior and the bar-sexual usually puts on this act to titillate a boyfriend or male onlookers. They seriously have no intention or desire to follow through with same-sex actions. It's as much an attention getter as the wet kiss shared by Madonna and Britney Spears seven years ago at the MTV awards; it's done for an audience. The more the audience responds, the more they'll continue.

Why is pretending to be a bi-sexual suddenly so 'in'?

A lot has to do with being the center of attention. Nothing grabs the attention of a crowd of people more than something 'slightly off-center'. When it comes to sex, sometimes the more off-center something is, the better. Plus there is much less a stigma to being openly gay or bi today than even a decade ago. Women who have come of age in a time when heterosexual is only one of many lifestyles, know that other lifestyles are equally accepted. We all have gay and lesbian friends and know people who are bi-sexual. No one cares; friends are friends no matter what the orientation.

As said in the famous 'Seinfeld' episode, "There's nothing wrong with that".  

However, the difference is that most people, no matter what their sexual preferences may be, don't and won't put on a show with their partners in public. (Okay, except maybe for that time in Paris when...) All kidding aside and very seriously, the difference with the bar-sexual is that she won't do in private what she does in public. If no one is watching, she's not getting attention, so what's the point?

We've all done things in public to get attention that in retrospect makes us cringe. The attention that we craved was so necessary that we threw caution to the winds. That's called experience.

It may be cute and very 'in' to kiss a woman, I don't know. But, if your friend is making you feel uncomfortable with all the unwanted attention this behavior is attracting, the best thing you can do is to let her know. Tell her you aren't into attention-getting. You just want to go out with friends and have a good time without having your group become the late-night show. If she won't stop doing what she's doing, fine. Wish her luck and happiness but tell her that you don't want to be included in this attention-getting ploy.

If your bar-sexual friend is a true friend she'll understand.  If not, well, maybe you need to reevaluate your friendship with a person who doesn't respect your feelings and move on.

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First