Inching Towards The Big 3-0...Time to Reevaluate My Life!
With less than six months until I turn 30, expectations from others of where I should be with my life keep ramping up.
The question I mostly get asked is, “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”
My immediate reaction usually is, “Relationships are stupid.”
But thanks to ChaCha.com, I now can back up my answer with “7 Reasons to Never Get Married.”
Reason No. 1: Divorce
Some studies say half of all marriages end in divorce. I hate being a quitter, so if I’m committing to something, I’d like to know it’s going to be real. But the reality of it is, there are a multitude of reasons (see reasons 2 through 7) why people end up divorcing.
We tend to jump into relationships and situations without much thought. So the instant gratification wears off rather quickly. And we tend to jump ship from relationships and situations just as quickly as they began.
Reason No. 2: Cheating
ChaCha.com says one in five spouses will cheat.
It’s crazy to think the person you are in love with would do such a thing, but it’s possible that your Mr. or Mrs. Right could cheat on you.
The thought of being lied to is tough, but add to it the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV and it’s now gone from a lie to a potentially serious issue.
I’ve sat through enough conversations with friends whose partners or spouses cheated on them. At one point in my life, a (now ex-) friend of mine cheated on her husband.
I rid myself of liars and people who don’t respect family and friends, so if someone is going to cheat on me, they won’t need to apologize, they’ll just have to pack up their stuff and leave.
Reason No. 3: Spousal Abuse
While the ChaCha.com image shows a man physically abusing a woman, the reality of it is men can also be victims of domestic violence, as well. And it isn’t just physical abuse that hurts, mental and emotional abuse can scar your partner just as easily.
Emotional abuse is terrible, and I’ve witnessed plenty of male friends be handed an unhealthy amount of emotional abuse from women who later tried playing the “not me” card.
I can’t imagine being with someone who is emotionally abusive. A friend of mine says one of his ex-girlfriends was emotionally abusive toward him — always telling him how he needed a better job, more money, etc.
She apparently made him feel like crap. Why he accepted it, I’m not sure. But the relationship fell apart after she broke it off. The abuse she handed him has taken a toll on him, though, and has potentially affected any future relationships he has.
Reason No. 4: Unhappiness
So. Many. People. Are. Unhappy. In. Relationships.
It amazes me how so many people seem to dislike the marriage or relationship they are in. But the moment I offer an opinion of getting out of it, I hear, “Oh, I could never do that!”
Why? Scared to be alone? Scared to make the change? Think you’ll never find a relationship again?
Some people settle into a relationship just because they feel they NEED to be dating someone, then getting married, then buying a home, then having kids, getting that picket fence and a dog. We’re forced into some fairytale version of what life is and when people get beyond the altar and their honeymoon, they realize the TV show marriages are nothing more than stories dreamed up.
And the married folk among us yearn to be single, while the single people ache to be married.
Reason No. 5: Children
As if a couple didn’t have enough problems, when a child enters the relationship, all of the focus shifts to the tiny one. Suddenly, quiet nights spent at the movies or sharing dinner are traded in for screaming and cleaning up messes. A six-pack of beer is replaced with a diaper bag.
On top of that, parental decisions — everything from teaching kids manners and to read, to how best to handle them when they misbehave — can complicate even the strongest relationships. Children are an added cost, too. But we’ll focus on that topic next.
Reason No. 6: Expensive
ChaCha.com says the average cost of a wedding is $28,000.
There is a lot of talk these days about the high costs of college tuition, which many people seem to think is an important part of finding a job, yet few people seem concerned with spending more than a year’s tuition on a wedding and reception that last no more than 12 hours.
And that’s just day one of the marriage!
You know those kids I talked about earlier? And that house? And the dog? All of those things cost money — real money. At 29, I am lucky to have enough money to care of myself let alone a family and all of the many trips homeowners seem to make to The Home Depot on weekends.
Life itself is expensive with student loans, car payments, rent (or mortgages), food, etc.
So you need money for kids (see reason No. 5), but money can cause unhappiness (see reason No. 4), which can lead to emotional abuse (see reason No. 3), which can lead to cheating (see reason No. 2), which can lead to divorce (see reason No. 1).
(Anybody else picturing a “Cathy” comic strip right about now? Just me?)
Reason No. 7: Bad Sex
And if all of those reasons weren’t enough, marriage leads to greatly lowered testosterone levels, which leads to a low sex drive. So, you see, marriage seems to be a downward domino effect that I’m pretty comfortable staying away from. I have a job I love, a family I love, a cat I love and friends I love being around.
Some people are destined to raise families and be house fixer-uppers. I don’t really see myself being one of those people, especially after considering this list.
Sometimes, people hide behind relationships because they’re fearful of being alone. Other times, a relationship truly is what is needed to make them happy.
As I inch closer to 30, it’s safe to say, I’ve got everything I need in my life right now. A relationship would just complicate things.
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