What To Do When Friends Date

By: Libby Keatinge

Ever had a couple of pals of yours who started to date?  It’s not totally out of left field. Your guy pal likes you and so does your female friend, so why wouldn’t they like each other? They’ve got at least one thing in common. But when they suddenly discover they have more mutual interests than just you, the situation can indeed become a slippery slope.

Here are five tips to navigate this tricky situation:

1. Handle your jealousy:

You may feel suddenly slighted that they start having plans together and do not invite you. Although you may feel uncomfortable that they now have a separate relationship and life that doesn’t include you, try to be happy for them. They are, after all, your friends.

2. Be supportive:

If they call each other pet names or decide to move in together, accept it and support them. You can’t really give your opinion in the same way as you would if it were one of your friends asking about their love interest who is not also a friend of yours.

3. Do not take sides:

When the inevitable argument occurs, simply tell them both that you are very sorry, but you just want nothing to do with it. Don’t take sides. You will always lose out.

4. Look for the positive:

Although initially awkward, having two friends who are dating can have many benefits. You can go on double dates! If you’re single, ask them to set you up on a double date. You will now have two for the price of one when it comes to giving opinions on if this date is right for you. If they fall in love and have a long and healthy relationship, they will always have you to thank for it and will forever be indebted to you for their life of happiness.

*****5. Make your stance clear from the beginning:******

This is my most important tip and it comes from personal experience. Two of my friends Aaron and Erin (yes, those are their real names) suddenly started to hit it off when a group of us went to Miami for a weekend trip. Now, being that they were both my friends, and they were both actors (I do not know a bigger recipe for dating disaster) I anticipated that this relationship might implode at almost the same speed it had taken off on the shore of South Beach in a mojito-induced haze. As soon as I saw Aaron rubbing sunblock on Erin’s back, I made my opinion clear. “I like you both and want to keep you both as friends. I will not take sides. Do not ask me what the other is doing or fish for information.”

It was a bit blunt, but a very important statement to make before this got off the ground. As predicted, their Miami romance fizzled a few months after returning to New York. Erin never told me she was cheating on Aaron, and although that would have made for interesting girl talk, I am glad I knew nothing about it and that relationship ran it’s course. They are both still my friends.


twoday magazine wants to know: Have you ever dealt with two of your friends dating? Tell us your story!

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