“Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.” -Oscar Wilde
One of my favorite sites, alternet, just recently did an article on why some men don’t want to marry. While many of us know that men are more often than not the ones that drag their feet to the alter, I never paid much attention to the reasons why they don’t want to get hitched. I always assumed it was just the fact that settling down scared them, or that they weren’t ready to commit to one person for the rest of their lives.
Well, that’s part of it. But, some men apparently do want to marry, it is just that their expectations for that “perfect” partner are unrealistic. The “man shortage”, which is even more prevalent in New York City, has a lot of single women wondering, “Where the hell are all the men?”
Jennifer Doll, of the Village Voice, interviewed men on the subject of marriage.
“I don’t want to be 34 and doing that thing that sketchy New York guys do where they go out and act as though they’re 24. I’ve seen too much of it...it’s a real cautionary tale...I think most guys feel that way.”
Another issue Doll believes that is making men think twice about marriage is the sexual availability of women. You don’t have to promise the moon, or hell, even promise dinner, to get a woman into bed, and all of these mixed messages our society projects about the actual importance of marriage has a lot of men turned off to the prospect.
This is not at all a suggestion that women should stop sleeping with men or that in order to land a man you have to keep your legs crossed. This is just an observation that our world has changed and the rules of engagement (pun intended) have changed, as well.
Many men are also waiting for the “perfect” woman to come into their lives. No drop of doubt shall remain, they will know in an instance (just like in the movies) that this girl is THE ONE. But, realistically, you can’t be 100% sure about anything, in life. Waiting around for the “right” one could, in fact, hurt your chances for finding a mate that is a good fit.
Until you are ready to close the door to what you don’t have, you won’t be able to focus on and nourish what you do have. When you are ready to do that, then marriage may be for you. Until then, the Peter Pan syndrome will wear on. However, keep in mind that never growing up means never moving forward, either.