Two Day Magazine

…And They Say Romance is Dead!
 
Listen up, ladies of Hollywood! If John Mayer wants to take you into his bed, run like hell in the other direction! Why? He has a case of verbal diarrhea when it comes to his romantic conquests. He clearly cannot be trusted to have fun in the sack, because the minute it’s all over, he is blabbing it all over the proverbial playground like a little schoolgirl! Just today, he thought it would be a smart idea to discuss his old flame, Jessica Simpson, and compare her to ‘sexual napalm’. He tells Playboy magazine:

“This girl for me, is a drug…Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.” He eloquently goes on to say, “Sexually, it was crazy…It was like napalm. Sexual napalm.” Although their apparently fiery relationship fizzled out in 2007, the experience clearly left a mark in his otherwise vapid heart. “There are people out there who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever just say, ‘I want to quit my life and just…snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to (sleep with) you, I would start selling all my (stuff).’”

 
Where do I even begin? How can this guy write such beautiful songs, like "Daughters" or "Your Body is a Wonderland", and yet be such a royal pig in real life? Maybe he puts too much of his romantic self into his music and has nothing leftover for his actual tangible relationships. I wish I could stop blogging about his insanity, but the interview with Playboy took an even weirder and downright offensive turn when he began talking about dating African American women. Here is what he told Playboy:
 
“I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."
 
But, the madness didn’t stop there! When asked what African American women in Hollywood he found attractive, he spewed this gem:
 
"I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And KerryWashington. She's super hot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, 'Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.' And you'd be like, 'What? We weren't talking about that. That’s what "Heartbreak Warfare" is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.' "
 
What the hell is he even saying? ‘Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl?’ What does that even mean? What is the difference that he is speaking of? Do African American women have some special way of breaking up that white women don’t? He really sounds like he has gone off the deep end with all sense of decency and dignity lost.
 
I think we can all learn a valuable lesson from this bizarre interview. Boys with guitars are white supremacists who flaunt their sexual conquests in order to gain notoriety and fame. Wait….that doesn’t seem very fair…ok, nix that lesson. The important lesson to learn here is that John Mayer is a racist bastard who needs to shut his mouth. Yep, that fits. Below is a video of Mayer attempting to apologize about this situation. I’m sure his publicist is on suicide watch.