By: Mia Bencivenga
Well, my dear friends, award season is finally upon us.
With it comes the glamor, the pageantry, the decadence, and in some cases, the mind numbing, nausea-inducing irritation that comes with viewing the endless barrage of red carpet coverage; and let’s not forget the numerous awkward conversations between Ryan Seacrest and Scarlet Johansson’s breasts.
Ryan, we know she has massive knockers. After all, they are in large part responsible for the majority of acting jobs she has acquired throughout the years. She knows it. We know it. Everyone knows it. You don’t need to draw attention to it by talking directly into her chest. Contain yourself. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you are just about the most licentious metrosexual man on television, with exception to the boys of the Jersey Shore.