I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. Recently, I have noticed that he doesn’t want to have sex as much with me and has been coming home late a lot. We have lived together for about three months now and have been dating for two years. He just got a promotion at work...but I feel as though something is up. My friends think I should break into his email and see what is going on, or go through his cell, but I hate snooping. What should I do? I’m afraid to confront him. If he is cheating, it’ll be a big mess.
---Afraid to Know
Dear Afraid to Know,
I always say, the monster in the dark is a lot scarier than the one in the light. Until you know what is really going on, your imagination is going to blow it up even bigger in your mind, making you absolutely insane. I think your best bet is to confront him directly about your feelings and deal with this.
If you don’t deal with it, you are going to end up stressed out, angry, resentful, paranoid and frustrated. You may begin to pull away from him and not want to be in a relationship, anymore. For all you know, there could be a very legitimate reason that he is acting “funny”.
Like you said, he just got a promotion at work. This could explain why he isn’t as sexual right now. Added stress on the job, increased hours working, and bigger expectations could be the reason he isn’t up for sex. Working late could be why he is coming home late, as well.
However, intuition is a powerful thing. If you feel as though something is “off” outside of the normal stresses of his work situation, you need to discuss it with him. If he won’t talk about it, or if he shuts down, you may need to openly admit that you worry that he is seeing someone else. If he becomes incredibly defensive, or if he tries to turn the situation onto you, this could be a tell-tale sign that he isn’t being honest with you.
The only way you are going to get to the bottom of this is to have an open dialogue with him about your fears and frustrations. He may be in a bad emotional place right now and unaware that he is hurting you. Bringing this to his attention may create some tension in the short-term, but it may help in the long run.
If he is cheating on you, then you need to make a decision. Do you want to work through this or do you want to cut him loose? You have some heavy things to consider, but remember. If you don’t feel respected, loved and appreciated in your relationship...then what are you holding on for?
Good luck and thanks for the question!