Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My wife has never been a “big-chested” woman, but I never cared. She, however, has always felt really self conscious about her breasts and decided to get implants. Well, I was against the idea, but supported her in her decision at the end. Now, I wish I hadn’t. The doctor totally botched the job and they look really awful. They are hard as rocks and are uneven. She is devastated and we can’t afford to have them redone right now. I feel so bad for her, and unfortunately, it has really hurt our sex life. She doesn’t feel good physically, they are painful when you touch them, and she is shying away from me in bed. What do I do?

-Botched Boobs

Dear Botched Boobs,

This really is unfortunate. There is so much pressure put on women in our culture to fill this certain mold of what you are supposed to look like. She has put all of this unnecessary stress on herself to look a certain way, and ironically enough, you were satisfied with how she looked all along. This was all coming from her. So sad.

But, what is even worse is that now she has, in a sense, disfigured her body and can’t have the necessary surgery done to fix the botched job. It is affecting her emotionally and making her feel probably worse about herself than she did before, not to mention the fact that she is physically uncomfortable.

So, what’s a guy in your position to do?

Well, it sounds as though you have been supportive of her all along, so I say keep up the good work and continue supporting her. She really should see a counselor to deal with her insecurities about her body and how it is affecting her marriage to you, as well as ways to enhance her self esteem.

The sad thing is, I am sure she thought that getting her breasts done would make her feel more sexually confident in the bedroom, and instead, it has done the opposite.

But, there are things she can do to bring the sexy back.

Buying some new lingerie that covers her chest but enhances other parts of her body that she feels better about (perhaps her legs, butt or stomach) is a good way to get her to start feeling good again in the bedroom. Don’t pressure her to take it off during sex. Let her keep something on to allow her to feel more in control about what is being shown. This way, she can still feel sensual in the bedroom without having to be uncomfortable.

Try different positions that don’t cause her breasts to ache during sex. Sometimes, being on top can be too jarring for women with large chests, if their breasts are feeling tender or sore. Wearing a supportive bra during sex may also ease any pain or discomfort she is feeling.

Also, focus on other activities besides intercourse that keep the two of you intimate. Take a bubble bath together in soft lighting, give each other massages, or enjoy oral sex. Taking the pressure off of having to perform may calm her nerves and relax her. Just snuggling after and reminding her of how beautiful you think she is can also boost her self esteem, especially while she is dealing with this unfortunate situation.

In time, hopefully she can get the corrective surgery she needs. Take the time to research different doctors, ask for their certifications and talk to other patients to see how their surgeries went. Don’t hesitate to get a second opinion, and if a doctor acts condescending towards your wife or seems annoyed when she asks questions, find another.

Good luck and thanks for the question!