Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend just got offered a really great job. Unfortunately, it happens to be on the other side of the country. (I live in California and this job would relocate him to Massachusetts.) Now, with the economy the way it is, I can’t blame him for wanting to take the job, but he said he “feels bad” about it and doesn’t want to leave me. We have been dating for two years and I thought we were on the “marriage track” but now I am not sure. I am a school teacher and can’t imagine leaving my students, but he wants me to come with him, as this is a very lucrative position he is being offered. What should I do?

--Move for Love?

Dear Move for Love,

This is a tricky situation. If you don’t want him to go, and you have told him that, and he stays ‘for love’, he may end up resenting you in the long run, especially if things start to turn sour in your relationship. On the other hand, if he does go and you stay, the likelihood of trying to keep it together when you are both so busy and on opposite sides of the country is very small.

Hence, the option remaining: Should you stay or should you go?

The idea of moving to a new city can be overwhelming and very exciting at the same time. However, if he is asking for you to go with him, but not making any promises (like an engagement ring before you leave) then I would think twice. If you believe that you are on the marriage track, he needs to make a commitment before you move across the country.

You also need to take in consideration as to how you will find a new job, where you will be living and if you are willing to uproot everything for this man. Are you willing to say goodbye to family and friends? Are you willing to take a chance on love and see where it takes you? These are big questions that need to be thought about long and hard before making a final decision.

If it were me, and I knew we were planning a wedding (or had some guarantee of commitment, like purchasing a home together) then I would feel better about moving. Anything less, and my feet would be staying planted firmly in California.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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