I recently discovered that my new husband cheated on me with a stripper the night of his bachelor’s party back in September. We were married a week later. He went to a strip club with his friends and apparently got laid while he was there. To say I am disgusted is a total understatement. As of now, he is sleeping on our couch and I don’t know what to do. He told me over drinks one night last week, saying he was so sorry and felt so guilty and couldn’t lie to me any longer. I had an idea that something had happened, but didn’t interrogate him about it at the time because I was so obsessed with the wedding. Now I don’t know what to do. He claims it was a one-time thing and feels like a piece of shit for hurting me (yes, we were both crying). But how can I ever trust him again? I contacted a divorce attorney yesterday to weigh my options but I am having trouble deciding what to do. Can you help?
Dear Betrayed Bride,
Well, my knee-jerk reaction is, of course, to say for you to dump the jerk. What he did was slimy, disrespectful and hurtful to both you and your relationship. What is it with guys and strip clubs? Do they think that once they are inside the doors whatever they do doesn’t count? Cheating is cheating, fellas!
But after thinking about this a little longer, the question remains: What are you willing to put up with? What is your limit, your deal breaker? I know that this would be a very difficult thing for any newlywed to deal with. This should be the happy time together, the honeymoon phase, the time to enjoy one another’s company and plan for future adventures together.
You have to follow your heart on this one. If you were my sister or my friend, I would honestly tell you that you deserve to be treated better than this and to walk away. As painful as it may be, staying in a relationship where he doesn’t value you (especially this early on in the marriage) doesn’t bode well for your future together.
However, I know life is not that easy, and if you truly feel as though you want to at least try and work it out, seek professional therapy. Having a mediator to talk through as you rebuild your trust (if you can) will help keep everything in perspective. Even if you can’t make it work, the therapist can at least help to keep things civil.
Good luck and thanks for the question!