I started dating a woman who has a lot of money. I mean A LOT of money. And she is very adamant about keeping me around. So much, in fact, that she wants to give me a weekly allowance of sorts. The issue is (I know, this is weird) that I feel she is just using me to get back at her ex-girlfriend. We always go to business events, where I know her ex will be. She flaunts me. I feel really weird about the situation. Am I being paranoid or am I basically arm candy for hire?
Dear Sweet Thang,
The short answer? Yes, I do believe you are arm candy. And in these tough economic times, hell, why not go with it! I kid, I kid! Unless, of course you need to pay off your student loans, then by all means, have at it!
In all seriousness, though, I do think that you are being used here as a tool to get back at your new girlfriend’s ex. Clearly, she is still into her ex-girlfriend. And if you are cool with the situation, knowing that her heart belongs to someone else (the line between love and hate is very fine, indeed!) then I say enjoy the gifts, the lifestyle and all the fun! It won’t probably last forever, but it may be quite an exciting chapter of your life.
And before I get any hate mail....
If, however, you are beginning to feel degraded in the situation, if you are starting fall in love with your new lover, or if you just think this situation is icky all the way around, then get out now. It will only get weirder from here, so if this is a situation you want nothing to do with, or feel as though this is a situation your heart just can’t handle, I say exit stage left.
In either case, it is completely fair for you to express your reservations to your girlfriend about your feelings. This is a unique situation (unless you live in LA). Explain to her that you have noticed how the dynamic is shaping up between the two of you and you just want to know where you stand within the situation. Hopefully she will be upfront about the situation and explain her position.
Whatever the outcome, follow your gut. If it feels weird, it’s okay to walk away. As much as I kid, no amount of money is ever worth your dignity or sense of self.
Good luck and thanks for the question!