Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

How can you tell if your girlfriend is lying? I have a feeling that she is cheating on me. She won’t let me near her phone, she has been avoiding sex and she doesn’t seem to have any fun with me, anymore. When I ask her what’s wrong, I get a flat, “Nothing.” We’ve been together for six years. Do you think this is just a rut or something more?

-Worried

Dear Worried,

When you have been with someone as long as you have been with your girlfriend, you get to really know someone on a very deep, intimate level. And, because of that, you also can sense when something is wrong (or out of the ordinary) because you know your partner so well.

It definitely sounds like something has shifted in your relationship, but don’t jump to the conclusion that she is cheating. The fact is, however, she clearly is pulling away from you emotionally and creating distance between the two of you.

I always say that when a woman stops sleeping with you, the relationship is dead in the water. If she is avoiding sex, something has happened that has caused her to change direction. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t get that loving feeling back, but the fact that she is avoiding intimacy is not a good sign.

Perhaps she is reevaluating her relationship with you and unhappy with the progression. Has she ever talked marriage? Six years is a long time to be dating and maybe she feels that since you haven’t stepped up and taken the next step of commitment, that she might as well move on with her life and find someone willing to take the plunge.

If she wants children, she may be getting even more frustrated with the situation, and she may need a commitment from you. However, you aren’t a mind reader and if she hasn’t voiced this to you, this may be a topic that you need to broach in order to clear the air.

(Although, if you had really wanted to propose to her, wouldn’t you have done that already?)

If you do want to get married to her, what is holding you back from taking that step? I know I sound old-fashioned, but for a lot of women, that commitment is a necessary step for the survival of the relationship. If this sounds like her, you may want to start thinking about it.

It really bugs me, however, that she has shut down communication with you. Saying “nothing” isn’t going to help the situation. I would definitely ask her if she would be willing to go to counseling together and figure out the root of the issue so you can either move forward together or just move on. Emotionally shutting down isn’t fair to you, at all.

Whatever her reason is for keeping you in the dark, it is really immature of her. She needs to get her priorities straight and if she has a problem or issue with you, she needs to speak up and resolve it.

As for the phone issue, let’s just say if she is keeping secrets, they are probably on her phone...

Good luck and thanks for the question!