Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My girlfriend recently walked in on me masturbating in our bedroom and was really offended. She doesn’t understand why I need to masturbate when we are in a relationship and have sex regularly. She said that she stopped masturbating and wants me to do the same, as well. Now we are in a big fight and I am not sure exactly what the big deal is? Who cares?!

--Caught Red-Handed

Dear Caught Red-Handed,

Your girlfriend is seriously overreacting. I wonder if she has some underlying issues with jealousy or other insecurities that is making her act this way? Perhaps she has her own hang ups about masturbating and is projecting them on to you. In any case, it really isn’t fair (or realistic) to expect you to stop masturbating when you are alone. Unless this recreational activity is impairing you from doing other important functions in your daily life, there is no reason for you to be “forced” to stop this healthy and normal function.

I would explain to her that your sex life is fulfilling and is in no way a reflection on the fact that you still enjoy masturbating occasionally. Some people have a higher sex drive and need that “release” more often. Some people masturbate when they are stressed our or having trouble sleeping. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t satisfied or happy with your sex life. This is something separate from that.

Now, if you are choosing to masturbate over sex, or are avoiding sex with her, then I could understand her worries. But this just seems like a deeper issue with her that may need exploring. After you explain your position on the issue, see how she responds. She may realize that she overreacted and back off of the topic all together. However, if she continues to display overly emotional reactions to the idea of you having a little solo time, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. I know this sounds extreme, but is this the kind of nonsense you want to be dealing with? Encourage her to seek counseling, or even go with her to couple’s counseling so you can get to the root of this issue.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

*********************************

Email your questions about love, sex and relationships to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or tweet them to @nataliestweets.