Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a few years now and we are coming to the conclusion that (at the advice of our doctors) we may have to pursue other options. Neither of us want to do in vitro fertilization. We think that it is unnatural and unhealthy. But, our families don’t believe in adoption. This situation is causing my husband and I a lot of stress and is hurting our relationship. Do you have any advice as to how to move forward and stronger? We both are open to adoption and want to just be happy.

---Struggling Through

Dear Struggling Through,

I can’t even imagine the stress that this situation has been putting you and your husband under. I credit you both for sticking to your value system and not succumbing to the pressures of either family. However, when you stand up for what you believe in, often times, it falls on deaf ears. People are going to always hold you to a certain standard, to a way of life that they expect others to live, etc. But, this is your personal journey. At the end of the day, this is your family you are creating, and everyone else needs to respect that.

I suggest following through with your plan, which is to adopt. It is a long process, and if you and your husband need support, there are plenty of networks out there that can give you the help you need while going through this arduous process. Your OB/GYN can recommend some in your area. If your worried about keeping your relationship solid, don’t hesitate to engage in a little couple’s therapy, as well. Every relationship can use an outside perspective from time to time. Utilize all the resources you can, especially since your families are not being supportive (yet).

You don’t have to announce anything to anyone until everything is finalized and the adoption plans are in full swing. Everyone is going to have an opinion on this situation, but do what feels right to you. Most likely, when you tell them that you are going to be adopting a baby, they will probably come around and realize how serious and committed you are to expanding your family. Hearts melt at the sight of babies, more often that not!

And let me commend you for choosing adoption. There are so many unwanted children on this overpopulated planet that truly need a loving and safe place to flourish. Because of this decision, a child is going to be given a second lease on life...what an amazing gift to give as a parent! Remember, an adopted child may have not grown under your heart, but he or she grew in it.

Good luck and thank you for the question!

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