I recently met a guy and after a couple of dates, we had sex. It wasn’t good sex, though, because he criticized me during it. He kept making comments to me about the positions and how I wasn’t “doing it right” and just being an all-around jerk. He asked me out again for dinner this week, but I’m not sure if I should accept? It was really upsetting, but do you think it was a fluke and things will be better?
Dear Sad Sex,
Sounds as though you had a bad experience. No one should ever be made to feel as though they are “doing something wrong” in bed. This guy could use a sex etiquette class.
Look, I’m all for speaking up during sex. Sometimes, you need to readjust your position, or ask your partner to do something different or try a different angle. If something feels good, it is always nice to compliment the person in bed and let them know that whatever they are doing in that moment turns them on.
But, to be critical of someone’s bedroom performance, or to make comments that are negative within the confines of that space is just wrong. Sex, especially for women, can be a very emotional experience. We are the ones that usually have to receive in bed, and so we are naturally in a more vulnerable position. So, for him to make negative comments towards you in bed probably hurt and didn’t lend itself to you having an enjoyable sexual experience.
We have to start being kinder to one another (in and out of the bedroom!) and if I were in your position, I would delete his number and not speak to him ever again. Sound extreme? Nope, I don’t think so.
You deserve someone that builds you up and increases your pleasure when you are in the bedroom. Whether it is the first time or the hundredth time that you sleep with someone, it should never be an experience that leaves you feeling sad or bad about your body or “sex skills”.
Of course, there are ways to discuss bedroom likes and dislikes without making the other person feel bad, but clearly he didn’t get that memo. And, life is too short to try and teach someone how to treat you better. Treat yourself better by surrounding yourself with positive people and you will attract a person that appreciates you for you and doesn’t criticize you in (or out) of the bedroom.
Good luck and thanks for the question!