Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend loves to watch porn. He likes to watch it during sex, especially, which is fine once in a while, but not every night. It’s almost like I’m not good enough or something on my own. I have confronted him about this, and he promises never to do it again, but then (of course) the minute we start to have sex, the computer or television join us. It’s really annoying. What do I do to get him to give it a rest?

--Porn Overload

Dear Porn Overload,

Sounds as though your boyfriend has crossed the line from enjoying porn on occasion to feeling as though he “needs” to watch it in order to have a satisfying sexual experience. Your right, this is really annoying, but more importantly, it shows you that he is behaving rather selfishly. He is only caring about his own sexual needs if he decides to watch porn every single time you make love, treating you more like his fluffer and less like his lover. Not cool.

But, instead of losing your cool and throwing his dvd collection out the window,  I would try a different approach. The next time you begin having sex and he decides to turn on the porn, roll off of him and walk out of the room. Tell him that you don’t want to interrupt him and if he is more interested in watching than doing, you don’t need to be around for that.

I know it sounds extreme, but you have already tried talking to him about it and nothing happened. So, now you need to show him that you are serious about what you said to him before and that empty promises won’t work. Explain to him that you aren’t against porn, that you don’t mind it once in a while, but having to basically compete for his attention during sex every single time just isn’t working for you. Hopefully, this will help to open his eyes.

However, if he doesn’t get the message, you may need to decide whether or not you want to put up with this in the long term. If you are feeling disrespected and undervalued in bed, those emotions will begin to trickle over into your daily interactions with him, which could cause some resentments to build up after a while. And nobody wants that!

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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