Please help me with my new love. Guide me and shed some light, because my judgement is blurred! :(
I met this guy during a six week summer program. Flirtation and chemistry was instant. By the second week, we were already making out and joined at the hip... and lip. We hung out together all the time and had so much fun together. We come from different countries, so I think this whole thing came with an expiration date from the start.
The thing is: I think I am more into him than he is into me. I would always call him to come sit next to me, call to meet for lunch...I made 99.99% of the moves and effort. It was so annoying and frustrating, but i was addicted to his kisses, god help me.
I honestly think that other than our physical attraction, we have nothing in common. We never talk about anything. we only sit around and flirt. He says he's not a talker...and that's so annoying. We have never had a serious conversation.
Now that we are both back home, he says he is in love with me. I am definitely not there yet, and I don’t think i will be. We don’t talk about anything. We just sit there on Skype and stare at each other and talk about our day... there is no real intellectual connection.
What do I do now? Can we stay friends? Does this need work? What kind of talk do we need to have?
How can I be honest about how I really feel without making him hate me?
Please help.. I am so confused and need all the help I can get.
Thanks a lot!
Lovesick (And Now Better)
I recently got married about six weeks ago. I was unpacking boxes the other day when I came across some unusual items that weren’t mine. I confronted my husband about them, and he broke down, telling me that sometimes he just enjoys dressing up as a woman once in a while around the house. He did so when we were dating, but kept it from me, worried that I would freak. Well, I did freak. Does this mean he is gay? He says he is 100% straight, but how could that be? Why would he do this to me? I love him so much, but I’m not sure I can get beyond this. It’s weirding me out! What should I do?
--A REAL Woman
I am writing today, asking for helpful advice about a new relationship. For starters, my past relationships as well as romantic situations in general, have not been peachy. I've recently entered a new relationship. Something about this guy attracts me but it's a feeling I've never felt in any other relationship. When we met, we were both looking for the same thing, to settle down.
Not immediately, but in time. The problem with that is, he asked me to tell him everything about me as far as what I've been through. Still, I'm hung up on what to say, where to start, and if he could possibly want to know EVERYTHING. I have a problem communicating about the situations I've been through because in past relationships. I’ve learned that if you give a person ALL of you..they'll turn around and use some of it against you. I don't want to have that mind frame. But how do I get beyond that? I don't feel in my heart that he will do what the last guy did. But how do I get over my fears and just talk to him.
I think another reason that I'm intimidated is that fact that no one has ever been concerned about knowing the real me. Which, it's a great thing. But I feel I'm in shock. What should I do? How do I go about doing it? I'm lost.
Lost My Voice
I have been dating this woman for about three months now. We both have small children and we just click so well. I am completely in love with her and I think I could see things moving forward for us rather quickly. The question remains though: What’s a good way for our children to meet, and can you recommend some child-friendly dates? I want our daughters (she has a three-year-old, I have twin five-year-old girls) to get along. I’ve been divorced for about two years now and I have sole custody of our daughters, so if my girls don’t like someone that I date, it’s not going to work. Any suggestions?
A friend of mine has been setting me up on blind dates with some of her friends. They have all been really great women. The problem is this: When I explain that when I moved back to Pittsburgh, I moved in temporarily with my grandmother and grandfather to assist in my grandfather’s care and after my grandfather’s death, and that I still reside with my grandmother, that basically ends the evening. When my grandfather was ill, my younger brother, cousin, and I moved into the house helped to care for him. Now my grandmother is starting to leave the stove burners on and needs help, too. So I guess my question is: Is it possible to find love with my current living arrangement or should I explain to my parents’ generation that they need to find a different care solution so that I can move on with my life?
Thank you for your help.
The Family Guy
My wife and I have been having some marital problems and I had an affair last year that blew up our relationship. It was a two-month affair with a woman from work, and it was a huge mistake. My wife and I have been trying to work it out, but she is still making me sleep in the guest room and we have only had sex a few times since the incident. She told me recently that she wants to go to couples’ counseling and if it doesn’t work, she wants a divorce. I don’t think I am ready for counseling. I worry I will say the wrong thing or hear something I don’t want to deal with. How can I work through this and save my marriage? I admit I made a mistake, but I love my wife and want to move forward.
I have started to date this new guy and my friends don’t like him very much. They have heard rumors about him that he was in a domestic violence situation a while back and his ex-girlfriend landed in the hospital after the two of them got into an argument. I don’t see how this could be true...he seems really nice. They think I should walk away, but I think I should just ask him and find out if it is true. If it is true, what should I do?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and the sexual chemistry we have is HOT. However, outside of the bedroom, we don’t really have that much in common. We come from very different backgrounds and find ourselves struggling to make conversation outside of the bedroom. But I really do care about him and like I said, the sex is out of this world. However, my friends keep telling me that I shouldn’t waste my time on a guy that isn’t marriage material. (I’m 28). I do want a family down the road and am wondering that maybe my friends are right? But I really like him and enjoy his company... not sure what to do?
--Say Yes to Sex
I have just recently started dated this woman who is 10 years older than me and fabulous. Age is not the issue by any means. She has a 17-year-old son and I have no issue with that. But, she is a butch lesbian and I am a soft butch lesbian. I have never dated anyone more "masculine" than me. So I am not sure how it will work. We only met 5 days ago and, yes, we have hung out and talked and she even asked if her being butch was a problem. I, at that point, said no because we haven’t even done anything yet, not even kissed. I just don't want this to be an issue...meaning how do I, or we, work on being "like" same woman but fulfill different roles in this relationship?
--Two sides of the Same Coin
My husband and I have gone through some tough times financially over the last few years. We are considering moving in with one of our children so we can all conserve costs. She is a working single mom to a five-year-old girl and I know she could use the help, too. My friends think this is a terrible idea and that we should just rent an apartment, instead. We look at renting as a step backwards, however. We feel that if we live with our daughter for a year, we will be able to save up enough money and put a down payment on a small home. Do you think we should do this or should we just start renting and avoid wrecking our relationship with our daughter?
I was reading your advice column from the other day and find myself in a somewhat similar situation. My boyfriend has a tendency to “flash” our friends (and sometimes even strangers) and I am not sure what to do about it. I know “boys will be boys” but he doesn’t just moon them, he flashes his “friend” around, if you know what I mean. Not really sure what else to say other than I want him to stop this. It is really embarrassing! How can I get him to keep it in his pants?
---Embarrassed Beyond All Reason
My boyfriend has a fantasy that he has always wanted to enact but I am not into it AT ALL. He wants to have sex in public. I keep telling him NO but he keeps bugging me about it. Is there anyway to compromise on this issue so I don’t have to listen to him complain anymore about it?
I’m gay and I’ve been with my current girlfriend for about four years now. I love her very much and find her very attractive. I work for the U.S. government and was on assignment out of the country for the past three months. I have been home now for about two weeks and my girlfriend and I haven’t had sex since my return. She’s never been very sexual, but whenever I have made any kind of sexual advance towards her since returning home, she comes up with an excuse as to why we can’t have sex. She still cuddles with me and is affectionate, but I am worried that since our sex life has dwindled, we are going to grow apart. I love her so much and I don’t know what to do.
--Just Say “Yes,”