Two Day Magazine

Full disclosure: I am a raging romantic.

I love the idea of engaging in coupledom with some nice gent.  I think everyone likes that feeling of security and validation that you can be loved.

Unfortunately, that same desire has the tendency to lead people astray into unhealthy relationships.

I think we’ve all been in the place where we’re lonely, vulnerable, and are thus more apt to engage in relationships with people that, deep down, we know aren’t good for us.  But let’s say you just had your heart broken, and someone is paying you attention.  

By doing so, they’re making you feel a little less sad, a little less lonely, and even though they might not be the nicest person, or the most trustworthy, you feel like you’ve got to hold onto them.  Because all you really want at that moment is to feel loved and wanted.

So you become their significant other, and over time, you find yourself unhappier than you were before.  But, nonetheless, you stay in the relationship.  It’s toxic but you can’t help it.  I think we’ve all seen or done this in our lives.

Why, though?  Why is it that we’d rather be in a bad relationship than to be alone?

To put it simply, we’re terrified of being by ourselves, and that’s the problem.

Relationships have a strange effect on us.  They make us feel as though we’re less alone, like we have a support system—the trouble is, sometimes that support system doesn’t actually do anything good to support us.  But it’s just the idea that there’s someone—anyone there, even if they aren’t even nice, that seems to be enough to entice us to stay.  

I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but relationships seem to have an almost addictive quality to them.  Even if they aren’t necessarily good for us, sometimes you just need your fix.  You need the feelings that they give you, the comfort—even if those feelings are superficial.

I think we all know people, or rather, are the people, who jump from one relationship to another.  They equate being single with being miserable.  In their eyes, when you’re single, you’re lost and alone.

And if you’re single, they feel sorry for you.  They look at you with pity.  And they want to set you up with this great guy/girl/extremely intelligent chimpanzee that they know, so that you can be “happy.”

To be blunt, last time I checked, I am a hell of a lot more happy doing my own thing than in a tempestuous relationship with a primate, or worse, a human being who acts like one.

I am so tired of being made to feel like I’m doing something wrong because I’m not with someone all of the time.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking; nine times out of ten, the harder things to do in life are typically better for us in the end.  Sometimes, it is hard to be alone.  And you’re so often made to feel like you’re alone because there’s something wrong with you.

When in reality, if you’re in a bad relationship, if you’re always seeking validation for someone else, if you aren’t secure enough in yourself to be able to be alone, will you ever find the love that you are so desperately seeking?  And will you know what it is when it finally comes along?

What if you’ve become so consumed in your bad relationship, that you don’t see the beauty in a person right in front of you?  What if you’ve become so used to bad relationships, that you don’t
know what a good one is?

Could it be that by never being alone, you are actually just setting yourself up for a lifetime of romantic turmoil?  

I’ve seen too many girls and boys cry over people that were so beneath them.  Was the pain and the time and the effort worth it in those cases?  Absolutely not.

So my friends, when you are heart broken, when you are lonely, take solace in your friends and family.  Don’t sell yourself short and jump into a relationship that’s no good.  Be by yourself for a while.  Learn to realize that it’s not scary at all.  

This way, when the right person comes around, your vision won’t be clouded, and you won’t be afraid to step away if things get bad.  Learning to be single is empowering, because when you
realize that you don’t need to be with anyone else to be happy, you only enter into relationships out of desire, not fear.  

And that’s a much better way to start something off, don’t you think?  

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twoday magazine wants to know: Is it better to be single or in a bad relationship? Facebook us your thoughts.

Follow Mia on Twitter for more interesting insights into relationships @miasminirants.

Like Mia’s latest article for twoday magazine? Check out some of her other fantastic pieces written exclusively for twodaymag:

     Take Some Steam Out of the Machine

     Memoirs of a First Time Voter