Two Day Magazine

Still reeling from the cougar comment of last week, I preceded to poll everyone I knew to assure that I am, in fact, not one.

Friends, family, even store clerks weren’t immune to my inquiry. Vain, I know. According to the dictionary:

“A cougar is a middle-aged woman seeking a romantic relationship with a younger man.”

 I am not yet a middle-aged women and having the most famous dictionary back me up put the issue to rest. Cougar comments aside, I still decided not to call the hot 22-year-old and even threw out his number.

My spiritual advisor is convinced I need a spiritual man. So is one of my best friends. They are both a little older than me and keep emphasizing this is an extension of core values that will matter in the duration of a relationship. Heeding their advice, I signed up for yet another dating site; this one for Christians. I don’t care what you believe as long as you believe in something. But somehow, I didn’t think J-date would appreciate me infiltrating their domain.

It always takes me a bit of time to get acclimated to a new site. They are mostly the same, but having signed up as a lesbian by accident before, I am more careful now. When it asked for my “headline” I toyed with all the obnoxious things I could say ranging from 'Lost Sheep Looking for Shepherd' to 'Fallen Angel' to sadly worse than that. Alas, I stuck with my signature 'Busy Bee' like a good Christian.

My first message came in quickly, and I was a bit confused. When I clicked on the guy’s profile, I couldn’t find his profile picture. There was a picture of the oddest-looking man, with his website on the bottom of the page. I assumed it was an ad and he hadn’t uploaded a profile pic; until I got the next message. Same thing. OK, so that’s how this site works…. wait!

Back to the first picture. Total 70s mustache, denim jacket, and the photo looked old enough to be taken before I was born. Seriously? I mean if that is the best-OUTDATED picture you have, I can’t imagine what you look like in real life today.

When I finished laughing, it was back to account settings. I reconfirmed I set the age limit to 38. Then reread that NO ONE outside my age bracket (starting at 28 if you were wondering) could message me. Yet, his profile clearly stated 48! I’ve got to be honest, I could not stop staring or laughing at his picture! I clicked on it so many times showing my friends he probably thinks I am stalking him.

Joking aside, so far I have not found anyone of interest there, but I’m giving it a chance. I also decided this week to heed some other advice and I joined a gym. For a month, anyway. Not that I’m scared of commitment or anything. Twelve months seemed an awful long time to commit to a workout facility. I’ve had some injuries and minor health stuff so I am taking a short break from silk. However, I realized there was still a lot I could do on weight machines to keep in shape while I heal.

I have only been to the gym once so far and it’s too early to tell if I’ll meet anyone. If past experience is any indicator, I surely will. I’m a bit leery, though. It seems while I like men who take care of themselves and are health conscious, I don’t want one who is appearance superficial, either, as I often see in places like this. Keeping an open mind, we’ll see. Like with the dog park, if I meet someone at the gym I know we’ll already have something in common.

And cougar-lovers need not apply.

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Like this article? Check out other great pieces exclusively for twoday magazine by Kimmie Kern:

     Kimmie on the Prowl: Speeding Through Speed Dating

     Kimmie on the Prowl: Juggling Act

Kimmie is a graphic designer, full time dog-mom and aspiring aerialist. You can keep up with her craziness on her blog life-withdogs.blogspot.com and follow her on twitter at @lifewithdoggies.