Blue skies, sunny, about 75/80 degrees.
Yes, that is what we in Florida consider “Fall”. All I want is to be outside. This weather reminds me of my Ex actually. We loved fall. I love the heat of summer, he hates it. He loves the cold of winter, I hate it. But we agreed on fall. We would bike and rollerblade on trails, take the dogs to the park, and in the evening go out anywhere we could sit outside. Eight months from when we broke up, on this fall day, I realized we have finally stopped talking.
Without realizing it, we had talked everyday for months and months. “Business” justified most of it (or so I told myself), mail, Buford, lunch. Then, I suppose, when we both started dating more, we stopped talking every day, but we still texted everyday. Eventually, we stopped talking, and by that I mean down to once or twice a week including texting. Maybe that’s why I found myself thinking of him on this beautiful fall day.
I felt inspired, and cleared off the dining table, preparing it to paint. I could almost see him on the couch watching TV and talking to me, planning our day, rollerblading or bike, which dog’s turn it was for the park. I didn’t feel sad. I felt nostalgic as one might for high school or college days. Appreciating a great time that once was but could never be again.
Before I could get my paints out, my phone lit up with a message. The hottie from across the pond was saying hi. We haven’t communicated much since I told him I would rather wait until he was actually here. I had too much “life” going on in my life. I hadn’t heard from him in a while and then I thought, “Oh shit what day is it?!” I realized he would be here within a week or two or maybe was he here? Is that why he was saying hi?
45 seconds later…
My thoughts were interrupted when my phone lit up again: A message from Scott. Well F*@#. Then I found myself verifying that the messages came in within 60 seconds of each other. A non reaction-distraction move, I suppose. I worried this day would be coming but that was months ago. Had it really been months?
When I started talking to the hottie, Scott and I were barely friends. When I stopped talking to him we were barely even dating. And now? I DON’T KNOW!! The hottie and I had chemistry, I was definitely interested, but he didn’t really know me. Or know the real me? Well, what he knew of me was real, better phrase-the complete me? Anyone can look good on paper! Me included! Real life is different. Scott knew the real me, the complete me, good bad and ugly and he liked me. But was it realistic to think our age difference wouldn’t matter someday? Sooner rather than later?
Who could I call to discuss this with? I could call my mother but I knew what she’d say. I ran down the list of friends but I already knew what each of them would say so why bother. The conclusion? Mixed bag, contents contributed by many nuts. What the hell happened to my beautiful fall day?! It had only been about ten minutes but I was already sick of thinking about it. I knew I had to call someone. So I did. My ex.
After all, it is a beautiful fall day.
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