No doubt there are a lot of people, magazines and websites offering relationship advice — each with their own take on single life, dating, love and sex.
I ran across a list of 10 “rules” for singles created by the stars of Bravo’s new reality show “Miss Advised.”
Among the list of do’s and don’ts from the show’s three stars included one that made me cringe:
“Never text the guy first, not even to say, ‘Hi, how are you?’ It’s something easy you can do. Just don’t initiate a text or a call ever,” matchmaker Amy Laurent said. “If you take that one rule alone and see how that changes when you meet someone new. You’ll immediately start realizing that it has an effect.”
This “rule” gives off a vibe suggesting women should play hard to get. But it also hints to women taking a back seat in the relationship.
Why shouldn’t a woman initiate a conversation? Why should she wait for a guy to do so?
Women have just as much responsibility in a relationship as guys do. It’s foolish to think women can’t be their own person and take a stand. If a woman likes the guy she’s dating, she can and should initiate text conversations, suggest events and dinners.
We are well beyond an era where men are expected to take the lead in relationships.
In fact, isn’t it a bit sexist to assume men should initiate conversations?
One of the other rules offered by the women of “Miss Advised” suggests not being aggressive.
Again, I ask — why not?
Why should women not be aggressive in a relationship? She runs the risk of losing the guy she’s dating by sending signals suggesting she’s not interested.
Women are strong and independent — or at least want to be considered as such — so why would it be acceptable to take a submissive role in a relationship?
And then there was the rule suggesting women make a non-negotiable list of things a man should have for her to consider dating him. Thankfully, sex expert and one-third of the “Miss Advised” cast Emily Morse didn’t suggest the list include things like, “sexy eyes, big paycheck, blond hair.”
“Develop your list of non-negotiable” traits for a mate, she said. “I’m looking at the big things: he’s passionate about something, he loves his family, he’s good to his mother. Women stay in bad relationships for too long because they ignore the early warning signs. Look at the type of guy you’re dating and the pattern you’re following and say, ‘I’m only going to date certain guys that meet this [non-negotiable] criteria and if I don’t feel good after that first date, I am not going to go out with them again.’”
To further confuse women trying to find Mr. Right, another rule seems to negate the list-making rule.
“Miss Advised” star Julia Allison offers this rule: “Give a first date the benefit of a doubt.”
“A lot of women and men have litmus tests on first dates and usually two things happen: one, they aren’t super honest and two, they misinterpret,” Allison said. “I went on a date and I asked about faith, meaning being faithful in a relationship, and he answered the question as if I had asked about religion. You want to be honest with someone, but you want to couch your statements. Don’t make blanket statements, such as: I hate X, or I never would Y, I’d rather die than Z. Since they’re just meeting you, it’s likely that they’re taking you at your word.”
The sad part about this is that we never will move forward with gender equality if we are suggesting women not take initiative in relationships.
There is no doubt dating is difficult. From finding people to date, to then figuring out when to take it to the next level, there already are a multitude of things to worry about. Why complicate it more by suggesting women shouldn’t take the lead in finding a man to be with?
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