Two Day Magazine

Talk between the sheets: What's REALLY going on in bed?

From which gender spends the most time fantasizing, to whether size really matters, Dr. Buffman, from Boston Medical Group, tackles common misconceptions about time spent between the sheets.

There are a lot of people out there that are misinformed about a number of aspects related to sex; from physical pleasure and chemistry right up to the facts about procreation. Being knowledgeable and understanding the real facts is not only important because sex is such a vital part of our physical health and well-being – it actually increases the likelihood that your sex life will become more fulfilling and pleasurable.


TOP SEX MYTHS:

Great sex comes naturally

• The physical chemistry you see on TV and in the movies suggests that when two lovers meet, sparks fly and mind-blowing sex naturally follows. But, in the real world, it’s not always that easy. Give yourself and your partner some time to get to know one another’s bodies and turn-ons. The longer you are with someone (as opposed to what we are told in the media) the better sex can become!

• The human body doesn’t come with an instruction manual. The “tricks of the trade” that pleased a former partner do not always translate with someone new. Good communication is key to good sex, as is a willingness to be open to trying new techniques and positions to find out what both partners find pleasurable. An open mind is key to a GREAT sex life. Be try-sexual!

Did you know?
The clitoris is the only organ on the male or female body that is designed purely for pleasure – there is no other known function.  So, what are you waiting for? (http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/clitoris.html)


Men have more sexual urges than women

• Though many men would have you believe they’re ready to go 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the truth is that men experience daily fluctuations in libido, as do women.

• A man’s readiness to hop in the sack may be impacted by many of the same factors that impact a woman’s level of desire; including diet, sleep, health, stress, medical conditions, self-confidence and relationship disharmony. Ladies, men need attention and positive reinforcement just as much as we do! Tell him he looks sexy can work for his mood just as it would work for yours!

• Women have additional factors affecting their libido, including their menstrual cycle and/or birth control pills. Many women are also more affected than men by emotional and environmental factors, including cultural stigmas that keep them from being vocal and assertive about their desires.  So, the next time your lady is feeling out of sorts, give her a back rub, ask her about her day, say she looks beautiful. A little attention can go a long way!

Did you know?
Pregnancy can causes a dramatic spike in hormone levels, making pregnant women more sexual and able to have more intense orgasms! (http://www.latimes.com/sns-health-pregnant-women-best-sex,0,4920103.story)


After a certain age, sex is no longer important

• Sex is an important aspect of physical and emotional health and well-being for adults of all ages, even those in their golden years.

• While some people believe that a decrease in libido is a natural part of aging, a loss of sexual desire can be related to a number of other factors including hormone deficiencies, depression, anxiety disorders, side effects of medication, changes to a relationship, communication barriers or loss of a spouse or partner.

Did you know? 
Without proper and frequent stimulation, the penis can actually atrophy. (from Dr. Buffman in the last release.) If you don’t use it, you lose it! (How is that for motivation?)


Size matters

• Even if every man could probably tell you exactly how long his penis is, surveys have revealed that girth, not length, may be the greater factor in female pleasure.

• Studies have shown that over 75% of women reach orgasm through oral sex as opposed to only 25% though intercourse alone. Contact against the clitoris and vaginal tissues leads to orgasm, which is not always achieved strictly through penetration. 

Did you know? 
The average penis size, when soft, is 3.5 – 4.5 inches long and one inch wide. (http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/penis_02.html)


Women can’t get pregnant if a man withdraws before ejaculating

• The “pull-out” method, also known as the rhythm method, is potentially the worst possible form of birth control. Men do not always know when ejaculatory fluid begins to seep out and even ahead of a perceptible orgasm, pre-ejaculate, which includes sperm, is released and is enough to get a woman pregnant. In fact, 1 in 5 couples who use this method as their only form of birth control over the course of a year will end up pregnant. People who use the "pull-out method" have a nickname. They are often called parents.

Did you know? 
Semen is actually in a gel-like form when ejaculated from the penis, and doesn’t turn into a liquid until 20 minutes after ejaculation. (http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/semen-analysis)


You can catch an STD from a toilet seat

• While public restrooms are host to a number of germs, from those that cause the common cold to Hepatitis A and sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhea, most organisms can only survive for a very short time and the toilet seat is a highly unlikely transmitter of disease.

• In addition, to catch an STD in a restroom, germs would have to make contact directly with your urethral or genital tract or enter through an open sore, which is possible but very rare.  

Did you know? 
There were major surges in STD transmission during both WWI and WWII. (http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Sexually-Transmitted-Disease-(STD).htm)


A headache is a good reason to avoid sex

• While many women, and some men too, have feigned a headache to get out of sex, intercourse actually relieves minor aches and pains, including headaches. Oxytocin and other feel good endorphins released during orgasm are responsible for the pain relief.  

Did you know? 
An orgasm can stimulate and relax muscles all over your body, not just in the pelvic region, and studies also show that there is actually a change in brain wave patterns during an orgasm. (http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/orgasm.html)


Certain foods can put you in the mood

• Named for the Greek goddess of sensuality and love, aphrodisiacs are said to put you in the mood. While oysters, dark chocolate, strawberries and tiger penis might make you feel l’amour, there is no scientific evidence to support the validity of aphrodisiacs.

• While there is no science to foods and/or herbs causing arousal, a certain food can trigger an erotic memory or desire in your own mind, so in a sense, we all have our own aphrodisiacs.

Did you know? 
There is more to foreplay than what you eat. For instance, kissing, a common part of foreplay, causes arousal in part because the mucous membranes that cover the lips are chalk-full of nerve endings. (http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/foreplay_02.html)


The little blue pill

• While many people believe Viagra and other similar oral medications are the best or only treatment for men with erectile dysfunction, the truth is that for many men, these drugs are not a viable option or they simply are not effective.

• Oral medications are only a temporary fix to a problem that may have other underlying health causes that should be addressed by a qualified physician. If your spouse or partner suffers from ED, encourage him to see a doctor to discuss what may be causing his erectile dysfunction and the possible treatment options.  

• Many men with health conditions including hypertension and diabetes cannot take oral prescriptions due to serious potential side effects or contraindications with other medications. For men who cannot use oral meds, there are a number of other options, including urethral suppositories and ICP, an injection that produces an erection within minutes.

Did you know? 
According to some reports, the largest penis ever measured was 13.5 inches in length and 6.25 inches in circumference. (http://www.sizemed.com/world-record-for-biggest-penis.html)


A little bit about: Dr. Barry Buffman
Dr. Barry Buffman is a Board Certified urologist who joined the Los Angeles Boston Medical Group in 2002 as the physician of the Los Angeles office.  He graduated from Arizona State University with a B.S. in Psychology, and later completed his medical degree at Rush Medical College in Chicago.  During his early academic career, Dr. Buffman studied the early markers of prostate cancer and compared their effectiveness as early screening tools.

After completing his surgical residency at St. Vincent’s Hospital in New York, he went on to complete a residency in urology at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. In the course of his career, Dr. Buffman has enjoyed over 20 years of private surgical practice in sub-specialties in sexual dysfunction, oncology, laser and trauma.