You just dropped Thursday off at work so now you and Friday can meet at the Marriott for a nooner.
Happy Friday everybody, it's time for your weekly dose of the Hollywood Outsider! This is your only source you need to stay uninformed about all the stories that probably don't matter to you or anyone else.
It's the middle of June which means the days are getting longer, so what better time to break out your white outfits and tell your high school grad it's time to get the hell out of the house; just because you can stay on your parents health insurance doesn't meant you can stay on their mortgage.
This drink is courtesy of those headlines over there.
The Ku Klux Klan, or KKK as the kids call them, has recently caused some controversy (The Outsider is aware of how shocked you must be). The white supremacist group famous for some of the most awful acts this side of Nazism, has decided to give back to one of its local communities.
The KKK has talked it over with their spouse and have decided to adopt ... a highway. The group has picked out a stretch of highway in Georgia that it pledges to keep clean and free of litter.
Unsurprisingly, this has caused some controversy. First and foremost, the state needs to check that the group's definition of "litter" is the same as the rest of us. Second, everyone needs to ask what a group based on racist principles and civil disturbance would want cleaning up a highway. The Outsider can't help with the first question, but might be able to shed some light on the second.
This highway in Georgia is not the first the Klan has tried to adopt. In Missouri, a state the Outsider has spent considerable time in, the KKK adopted a stretch of highway along I55 in St. Louis but was eventually dropped from the program. Were they dropped for being racist shit-bags (Outsider's words)? No, actually they were dropped for being lazy racist shit-bags (Outsider's words).
The group eventually stopped fulfilling their obligations. You see, when you adopt a section of highway, that means you take responsibility for checking on it occasionally and keeping it clean and free of debris. That "This highway adopted by the Klu Klux Klan" sign isn't free, you actually have to get out there and do something, and apparently nobody told the KKK that.
In the end, Georgia denied the group the highway citing it's controversial past (and possible controversial present. What they should have done was cite the Missouri example and simply leave it as a, "Look, it's not like they are actually going to clean it" issue. Just to avoid any ACLU backlash.
But all might not be lost for the group. If cleaning up a stretch of Georgia highway means that much to the KKK then the Outsider has a suggestion, go in on the same stretch with the New Black Panther Party. Not only would the state approve of that project, but the whole thing could land them a reality show.
And it's a safe bet that show would be way more entertaining than The Bullshit Housewives Of Wherever.
Let's take a break and return to some actual Hollywood news, shall we? It seems gimmick queen Madonna has resorted to one of the most classic gimmicks of all time: Stripping. At a recent show in Istanbul (not Constantinople), the 53-year-old pop star flashed her breast; the whole thing, none of this sunburst-nipple-ring-Janet-Jackson nonsense, during a performance of the song "Human Nature."
Shortly after that, the singer decided it was going to be a full moon over Rome as she dropped her pants for the crowd at the Stadio Olimpico in Italy.
It's getting harder and harder to be shocked by Madonna, and if we're all going to be honest here, the Outsider is starting to feel a little bad for her.
Madonna's rise to fame can be attributed to a number of factors: She's smart, talented, and can write a catchy hook. But most of all, the thing Madonna appears to value the most about herself is her looks. She rode her good looks to super stardom in the 80's and she's had a very nice career.
Unfortunately, power based on one's looks is the least stable kind. It's usually an unearned genetic power and it's always the first to fade before any other acquired skills.
Madonna, while looking great for 53, at some point in the near future is going to be trying to sell something she doesn't have. How long until she becomes the Brett Favre of pop stars?
What's even more sad is that the best shock a star with a massive reputation and virtually unlimited resources could come up with was flashing the crowd? That's the single lowest form of shock-value as it's inexpensive and something any one of us could do.
If the Outsider had Madonna's resources and wanted to shock a crowd he would come up with something vastly expensive and take several months worth of planning. The type of stunt only someone with that kind of money and power could do.
Come on Madonna, you've gotta up your game!
June is upon us which means it's graduation season. Graduation season is always marked by lazy seniors, tearful goodbyes, gowns that are way too hot for the weather and soaring speeches. David McCullough Jr., a teacher at Wellesley High School decided to go a different direction with his speech other than simply reading "Oh The Places You'll Go" (which was what the Outsider's lazy-ass high school principal did at his graduation) and it drew some controversy.
Not only did he mention that with a 50% success rate of marriages, the Baltimore Orioles do better than weddings, but he also told a wealthy bunch of suburban high school grads that they are not special.
"You're not special. You're not exceptional."
McCullough went on to give all kinds of examples of how the success the grads have had thus far was mostly due to parents or teachers bailing them out and the real world will be much tougher on them.
While harsh, McCullough is not wrong. Whether we like it or not the mantra of this universe is "worthless until proven otherwise." Unless you're the child of actual royalty, you don't get to be special just because you are you. Congratulations on graduating high school, something over 90% of Americans (or roughly 270,000,000) have done. Let us know when you actually do something interesting.
America's current generation has almost been robbed by its parents (and not just the massive national debt, that's another article). They were told that so long as they followed their dream anything was possible, that it is more important to do something you love than learn to love what you do. That a desire was superior to a skill-set.
At what point was somebody going to tell these kids that the real world is a cold, dark and cruel place. A place that only cares about results and trying your best isn't worth a cold bag of dicks. Colleges aren't going to tell them, because how could a private university justify charging its students $61,000 a year - forcing most of them into soul crushing debt - if they weren't assured of getting their high paying "dream job" upon graduation.
What we are left with is a generation that feels it deserves all the things it has no skills to attain, and a level of debt that has the making of a permanent underclass; enslaved to its debtors with little hope of attaining freedom.
Naturally, telling people their kids are not special has upset some people, and now Wellesley Media Corporation is hosting a contest where kids can submit a two minute video demoing "why you ARE, in fact, SPECIAL."
According to the boston.com article, the winner will get $500, some kind of "ONE-OF-A-KIND trophy" and a broadcast of their video on the Wellesley Media Channel (whatever the hell that is).
Ironically, will everyone who doesn't win have to admit they are really not special after all? The contest doesn't clarify.
At least if you can't find a job, the Outsider knows a stretch of highway in Georgia that could use some cleaning.
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