I have never voted in a presidential election before.
Thus, people see me as a genteel voting virgin, who they either want to steer on the righteous path, or corrupt me before the other side gets to me first.
When people ask me who I am going to vote for, their eyes are black with a mixture with suspicion and pompousness. Thus I generally default to an articulate statement such as the following:
“I err….well it’s a really, uh, both of the candidates are kind of, um. Bad. And stuff so I think I’m just going to most likely vote for whoever is less, er, douche bag like.”
To which they reply, rather impatiently their eyes flashing a hasty red, “And that would be?”
“Sorry can’t answer your question, but oh jeez, I uh, just remembered that my cat needs…washed…” And with that I disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving them to wonder why I have a cat if I am allergic, and why on earth I would ever try to wash a water adverse animal.
Little do they know that I am planning on avoiding them until well into December when Christmas madness over takes their fiery political rage.
So in general, there’s nothing worse than feeling the prying eyes of the people around you judge you for your political beliefs. Because, if I were to be truly honest about who exactly I was voting for, no matter what I say, they will judge me in ways that I do not deserve.
Case and point, let’s say I claim that I want to vote for the person they like. Suddenly I become a “bright young woman” who is “wise beyond her years” who really has her “head on straight.” When in fact, I could be a dark cloud of cynicism, so disillusioned by the entire voting process that I flipped a coin in my room when making the decision. Also, I have a terrible head condition which makes my head constantly tilted at a fifteen degree angle.
On the other side, let’s say I pledge my allegiance to the flag of the candidate that you hate with passionate fury of a thousand exploding stars. This is when things get ridiculously uncomfortable. A template of that conversation is as follows:
“You’re listening to that (insert derogatory name for political group here) garbage! Don’t you see that (insert candidate’s name here) is going to try to fix the bullshit that (insert other candidates name here) is trying to put in place! A vote for (insert candidate here) is a vote against everything your parents have tried to build for you! You young kids don’t know what the hell you’re even doing!”
My initial reaction to this is to dig myself a hole and gently and gingerly crawl into it, waiting for the darkness to overtake me. But a girl can only get her clothes dirty so many times before she comes to realize that this is complete nonsense.
In the end, people see others’ opinions as always inferior to their own. Even if you’re voting for same person, they assume that your reasons are more generic than theirs; less educated, less well thought out. In short, you’re only voting for the candidate that everyone thinks is cool, whoever that Bono fellow likes is the one that all you kids are into, despite the fact that I’ve never listened to U2 and think that Bono kind looks like one of the bad guys from the Matrix.
But may god help you if you happen to have a completely different opinion, because then you’re misguided, stupid, ungrateful, foolish heretic who shall be struck down by the malignant poll booth harpies.
And may the supreme deity of voting have mercy on your misbegotten soul for voting for a man who will unleash the supposed hell fire upon the entire United States!
Why, not only will he destroy the health care industry, he’ll also have sex with your significant other, fool them into loving him, taking them away from you, and you, desperate to win back their love will soon discover that he gave them herpes.
It’s true! I read it in a book published by this guy—he doesn’t really have, say the “facts” to back it up but uh, he talked to some homeless guy in New York who was really in the know.
The apparent only hope for you is to vote for the right person in the next election. And to warn your fellow crazies to never dabble in such vile political beliefs again, lest they too be drive astray.
No matter what you do, if you’re a young person voting, people assume that you have no idea what the hell is going on. After all, you’re just doing whatever your friends are, or whatever that Jon Daily on the Stewart Show on that dang nabbit Comedy Central tells you to do.
It’s just frustrating, how can I convince people that despite my young age, that I think very readily and deeply about the political environment that we are in? I see young people such as myself, struggle every day with worrying if they’re going to be able to get a job after college, or those who are already out fret about having to return to their parents’ house because they can’t seem to get anywhere with their degree.
What would you like me to do to show that I’m serious? Would you like me to engage in the unproductive banter and buy into the complete and under ridiculousness that is propagated on every 24 hour news network to the point where I as a human being spontaneously combusts?!
I’m sorry but I’m really not up to that. I’m too busy actually worrying about the future of a country that I’m going to live in for the next fifty plus years. After all, I’m going to outlive all of these pundits and most of these politicians, so why on earth would I want to get so emotionally engaged with all of their nonsense?
We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Many of my peers worry that even though we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing, getting an education to better ourselves as people and as working members of society…is it enough in this kind of an economy?
And will it get any better? Will I be able to pay off my student loans? Will I be able to build a life for myself like the ones my parents made for themselves? Will I enjoy all of the middle class comforts I was raised to enjoy? I want a puppy so bad…but will I be able to get a puppy? Not if I’m in a studio apartment for the rest of my life, living off a ramen and celery diet!
My friends, from the view where I sit, everything seems quite doubtful.
These are all pressing concerns, and ample motivation young people to get out and do our best to influence our future. I may be young, but please, don’t think I don’t take this seriously. Don’t think I vote for whoever Katy Perry tweets about. Just because one candidate promises to cut taxes on whip cream canister breast attachments and she’s “totes psyched” about voting for him, doesn’t mean I’m going to jump on creepy sexy girl child bandwagon.
In general, please don’t insult my intelligence, and don’t assume that I don’t care, because if you do, you’re not only setting up my generation, but yours as well for failure.
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