For the Love of God Make it Stop.
My friends, I come to you tired, ornery and more twitchy than usual. I feel as if my ideas aren’t seeming to flow, and my English is becoming exhausted. Don’t be surprised if I is forgetting how to using proper grammatical technique.
The culprit? First and foremost, I blame the television. I feel as if it is slowly poisoning my mind, corroding the place where my happy thoughts come from.
The other day, I was in a good mood; the sun was shining, I had the day off from work, I was well-fed and had just spent a nice summer afternoon with a good friend. I then begin to turn on the interweb machine, in order to find some news story that would prove to be my muse for my latest article, and within ten seconds of being on a celebrity gossip website, I could literally feel my spirit sink into my stomach, where it most likely got digested and shall never be seen or heard from again.
It was only then that I truly realized something; we are surrounded in a cesspool of people who get off/assume we get off to watching the most unpleasant, unflattering, and most grotesque human behavior. Be in a good mood, a genuinely good mood, and turn on Lifetime and then see how you feel.
Hope you enjoy a watching seventeen year old contract Chlamydia, and then become vindictive older women who kills her husbands for money because of the traumatic childhood she had in which she was sexually defiled by her neighbor’s overzealous shihtzu--oh, and then she’s sexually taken advantage of by an evil mustachioed Dentist who forces her to do sexual acts in order for good dental care, because that’s what you’re going to get in spades.
Oh the tragedy! Oh the pain! Isn’t this what you chicks want to watch? A bunch of other chicks getting hurt by men--you know, cause you ladies with your lady parts hate the men; but also really want to do ‘em so then we’ll follow it up with a sexy movie staring Leanne Rimes?
And then I turn on the news. Now listen, I love to watch the news. Brian Williams is older white guy eye candy--and I also like to stay informed, of course. But as sad as the news usually is, my beef is not from real world problems or news stories, it’s goddamn coverage of celebrity news.
This subject is a little sensitive for me considering the majority of my blogging consists of me spazzing out over various celebrity shenanigans. But my patience is wearing thin. Celebrities are divided into three types of people; the type of people that just want to act/sing/get on with their lives without some shutter bug shoving a camera in their face at all times, the type of people who need the camera on them at all times to stay relevant/also need constant attention due to their insatiable narcissism, and people who act as if they are the former, yet are the latter.
Oh really, you just want you privacy? Then may I suggest going somewhere paparazzi won’t find you, like say, the beautiful city of Pittsburgh, rather than constantly staging your own nip slips on the boardwalks of Los Angeles?
I’m just annoyed.
I feel as though our popular culture is an obnoxious child, begging and yanking at our clothes, demanding our constant attention and determined to secure it through any means necessary. From YouTube videos that people make of themselves breaking glass bottles over their head, to terrible attempts at covering the latest Katy Perry song but with “like a darker, moodier version of it with more soul,” people just don’t know when to stop talking. Or singing. Or stapling their fingers together.
Reality television is perhaps the worst culprit--and most telling sign of the times we live in. We pay untalented, uninteresting, unimportant people millions upon millions of dollars to be awful, unpleasant, harpies that squawk needlessly and parade around like a bunch of drunk peacocks.
For instance, were you aware that a little girl from demented life sucking machine that is Toddlers and Tiaras, has her own spin off showcasing her and her self-proclaimed “hillbilly family” entitled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? Or the fact that the youngest members of the Kardashian family, Kendall and Kylie--are getting their own reality show spin off? Or how about the fact that Kris Jenner, their mother, recently took a live lie detector test and admitted that Kim was her “favorite daughter”?!
Jesus, if you can here me--please start the rapture as soon as possible. I don’t care about the fact that I’m probably going to the scary hot place down stairs because I’m a liberal heathen who thinks that people who identify as homosexual are just as good at adopting Asian babies as people who identify as straight--take me! Me, Ghandi, and other false god professing heretics will just have to deal.
I suppose what I really want is something that we desperately lack this day and age; some freaking quiet. People seem to think that if others aren’t constantly paying attention to you, or talking about you, or thinking about you--even if it’s negative in nature, that they’re not valuable. That in order to be wanted or desired, you have to reveal everything--that you have to literally sell yourself.
But the air of mystery is so much more enticing. You want people to ask you questions because they’re genuinely interested in what you think, not because you want them to take what you say and put in on their latest gossip site so that they can rip you a new asshole for being a “totes conceited beyotch.”
So everyone, just relax and be quiet for a little while. Silence is golden. Make your voice something that people want to hear, rather than white noise that eventually becomes an irritant. Life isn’t about plugging your every day activities, it’s about living.
twoday magazine wants to know: Are we overly consumed by media? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.
Follow @Miasminirants for some more twitchy tweets on everything pop-culture related.
Like this article? Check out other great commentaries exclusively written for twoday magazine by the very talented, Mia Bencivenga: